free pass

Hello Everyone
Thanks for reading my blog!
I love you and promise to write something fab tomorrow.



(feel free to cut and paste this to your blog if you are at a loss)

sparkle river

she walked in on a cloud
floating,
chanting
spinning around.
The sunshine streamed in behind her.
Following her
sustaining her
replenishing her spirit.
It was those small moments of breath and total oneness that made glitter happen.
That magic sparkle that is so attractive, especially to children.
It is the form of magic.
our visual representation
clarity
purity
indescribable beauty.
That is the feeling I'm going for.
So there are tiny moments of it.
PERFECT, PURE, JOY
Then they subside
are interrupted by the phone or a car driving by or a mosquito.
but they occur none the less.
like the shooting star that catches us by surprise
and reminds of of magic
Let us remember how to live in the glitter
for it is showering us
all the time
if only we could open our eyes and see it,
our hearts and feel it
our souls and own it.
take a dip in the river and watch your skin sparkle in the sun
it is so worth it
even if the river feels cold at first
...
just jump in
your heart won't stop but you may have to catch your breath!

my love

There is something she said
and then it all clicked
like a machine
a continued
moving forward thought

where is that road again?

It is a parellel one
even if it feels lost it is not.

they run simultaniously

that's the road you go on when you dream

but it's there during the waking hours.

Just harder to find.

you need SPACE
to be there
to go there
it is
wild she said

I know

I'm glad we stayed up late talking
even if I'm tired this morning

i love you

intentions realized

Well, it is the new moon day!
Last night thanks to a reminder from a comment by the kangaroo I realized that 2 of my 3 intentions showed up on this blog unconciously of course.....

My intention was to have love like an ocean, peace like a river and joy like a fountain.

In looking back I noticed the closing to my "birth day"post said I love you as much as ...billion oceans....so love like an ocean..check

Then I read "return to the river".........peace like a river....check

and today I do feel joy like a fountain...I will keep it flowing and flowing

how cool.

have a happy moon!

Sometimes the will is REALLY good!

Sometimes...
you have a deep spiritual experience that let's you know you are in the flow.
Sometimes...
you just wind up at the out of the way Goodwill by chance and walk in to find right in front of you that very thing that you thought you would really love to have for your new moon project. A thought that passed thorough my mind last week sometime. A thought that was so swift, so tiny and so kind of ridiculous you never would've remembered having it...
until it showed up right in front of you for $2.99.
The smart stich "a portable handheld sewing machine!"
Yes, I do believe I manifested it...in the box, never used and the first thing I laid my eyes upon.
Because, you know ladies I am not a full size sewing machine kinda girl.

Somedays...it is so obscure you just KNOW you really are in the flow.
Can't wait to break it in!

blah for running in circles

blazzzy boomalasi

I'm swimtastic and bobmbastic

overconturted

underresorted
and running myself down the hall.

there are needles to step on and dishes to fix

nails that need polishing

sayings to nix.

I am over and under and right inbetween

I am running around with no mention of spleen.

I am green and forever with nowhere to go

I will hold up the tissue and ask nicly.....blow

in flight

Tiny little things seem so big.

But I am ignoring them and going to paint.

There I will gain perspective.

The wheels are turning.

I am due

It is time

and off I go....

return to the river

begining this week a new

the start of a refreshing return to rhythm

I can hang with crazy for a while...

did my best breathing

but now I'm ready to dip my feet back into the river of flow.

a wild ride it is

What happens when you let it sink in?
Even if only in small particles.
It happens more and more frequently.


those moments of pure bliss.

I have found them by learning to make choices that make me happy.

This business of sacrificing for others is a mistaken notion.
If we take care of ourselves really well then our joy spreads to others.

Maybe it is only this time in my life that I can sit here and be here and say that.

I may not have been able to function this way at other times and maybe not in the future.

But for right now this is so good.

I have created a tiny utopia.
In this small old house
we have made our own paradise.
and when I stop be in total appreciation of exactly where I am...not where I want to be or where I have been, but right now , this moment, this day ...suddenly, it gets better!

It's almost like a game. Or a formula.
What a wild wild ride.

I have no idea how this is reading
but for me it is etching out a promise that I must have made a long time ago.

I am here,, truly and soooo very happy and I feel like I have a set of tools that keeps growing. I suppose that's how it goes.

and for those of you Mamas who have little ones pulling on you still all the time.

I had a moment yesterday while walking to pick up my car in the repair shop. I stopped at Whole Foods to pee and had a flash of trying to take a newborn with a blow out poop and spit up and needing to nurse and a toddler who had to poop into the bathroom there with a stroller and the whole crazy scenario came back to me. Whew...I thought, that was a wild time. But here I am peeing when I need to, by myself with enough time and enough money to buy a brownie for myself on the way out.

It's much easier to find this space of total peace when you can pee by yourself whenever you want....your day will come ladies...hang in there

constants

Dirty laundry is a constant. Like the rising and setting of the sun.

I'm trying to embrace it's rhythm with grace instead of the expectation that someday it will all be done.
Maybe, this afternoon for a moment.

But that is such a silly thought.

I think I'll be happy with knowing that the basket will always have something in it.

I'll try to keep it from overflowing.

I think I liked this post better when it was only the first sentence.

This is much like "killing" a painting

so, I'll leave you with that initial thought...



Dirty Laundry is a constant. Like the rising and setting of the sun

a heavy rain dance

The sweet, sweet rain.
brings us insulation.
from the outside
A new mix of carbons and gases
A washing
A cleansing
We needed a good shower over here
Just in time for new beginings
and sweet buds a blooming

Thank you for this gift of rain.
It's been so long it feels spritual.
Like we've had to work for it.
Like the ancient Gods arranged it as a reward.
It makes me want to dance all tribal like
maybe I will
no one is watching.

The Void

Ahhh
The block
comes from the void.

I have not painted in over a week. Not been to the studio but to drop off some things.
I had a wonderful week of visiting and friends and meals and being with my children which was truly WONDERFUL.


HOWEVER.

I now know why my creativity has been stalled.

Today was the day I was going "back to work."

but little fairy dancer twirler had a croupy cough the night before and a BARELY there fever this morning. But my good Mommy self said "self, keep her home today, she needs rest and it's the school policy you know."

So I did. She was wild and romping and not fevery at all. She's going in tomorrow.

It may have been one unexpected day over the limit of happy doing for other bliss that I had mapped out.

So, we made a big pot of soup and played and changed outfits an awful lot and we did a lot of laundry.

But tonight I realize that all of that space I've had before this last week has given me time to be with myself.
To create
to nurture my true passion that is all about what I want and what I need.

So, I sit down tonight in the block and realize that tomorrow I will paint again for a few hours at least and all of a sudden. The flow is back.

I take much better care of those around me when given the space to take proper care of myself.

The Block

I officially have writer's block.

hmm

guess I'll wait till something shows up.

sculpture of love

Love
LOVE
love love love
love
love
love
lovelovelovelove
lovelove
love
LOVE
love
love love
love love love
love
love

for the weekend

sometimes
you must let it all fly away with the breeze.
It can be too much
you can feel under water
disconnected
freaked out.
just breathe.
it will pass
and you will continue going on in your life
bringing joy
and love and doing good.
relax my friend
you are wonderful and loved
breath easy
and if you get stuck
just look to the sky

spring break

Today I planted things
Lots of things in the garden my love made for me one day
My children moved the soil
They selected the crops
We put them in the earth and will watch them grow
We will harvest and eat them
We will rejoice
Herbs and veggies, fruits and love
That sprouted from seeds that their tiny fingers pushed into the earth.
Magic fell upon me in a harried day of crazy speed

We saved a baby bird that flew into the playroom
We weren't sure it was ok
We watched it for a while and it flew up into the big oak tree in front of house
This happened while we were working the soil.
We cheered
They named the garden "love bird garden"
What a fun afternoon!

open

the power of the passion flower

I bent down and gazed into the passion flower.
I noticed it in a way I haven't before.
Each petal
Each place where the color changed.
The design that could've been designed by an artist.
Or an engineer.
How is that intentional design of the flower any different than the design of a building or a painting or a sculpture?
It is not I thought.
Because it all comes from the same place.
We, people, humans. Our creative force is no different than that creative force that grows flowers or forms clouds. The force that grows baby birds also grows baby humans.
The force that organizes how a spider weaves it web, the same force that a mother uses to organize her home, or cook a meal, or plan a day.
It is when we connect to that. Trust it that we have no need for worry or doubt.
We are in that flow. We are that flow. We know things. energy in form.
magnificent creation.
tap into it. Powerful and freeing.

let it slide

Today I saw something that made me angry.
As the anger started to rise I slowed it down and said...
self you can get all heated up and angry and feeling bad...or observe the action, disagree with it and let it slide.
It was an e-mail with some hatefulness in it.

After letting it go I realized that I had the power to let negativity feed new negativity or I could squash it, difuse it. Replace it with the peace of not getting hooked.

This lesson has taken a long time
I will be practicing it for a while more I'm sure

but I'm happy that I had the awareness because in years gone by I'd let it eat up a good part of my day.

no more...now I have learned to let it slide ...on away from me

quick one

sometimes the world just seems to be turning.
sometimes it veers one way or the other showing you something very close up.
you are completed
exposed
and perfect!

curious typing

spring open
and up into the air
the back and forth of steps
continuation and climbing
rolling over over over
in a tunnel of dirt
standing up enjoying that dusty layer of realness
I float on through to the other side
up mountains and into clouds
and circling like the gentle flutter of a butterfly. The constant buzz of a fly.
the wings moving forward
each creature a different ride
an experience subtly different
each space being taken up by only you in that form
and movement creating wind
creating more movement
and so on.
the ripples
they expand
and touch everything in their path
on and on
it goes

today

I am SO happy.
walking around.
with friends
in a place I love to live.
a happy couple of days of self-celebration.
I feel outfitted
with new clothes that reflect me
a belly full of good lunch
a peace of total authenticity
it has been a journey out of new mommyhood
I like this middle place
a few stretch marks, a mushy tummy and some well loved boobs later
I am still cool, still me and my I have a family
a wife and two little people who love me
and are so cool themselves
I feel happy
because I see them happy and knowing that they are loved
they have a knowing about themselves
a security
it is in place already
I feel like I can look back on the last 6 years and be proud of what we have created
I am happy I didn't sell out
even though I tried a few times
I am clear and present
and understanding the obligation to use my gifts wisely
I feel such gratitude
and total satisfaction
thank you for this day

birth day

Thank you Mom for giving me life.
For holding me close under your heart.
Thank you for all of the pumping of milk
then nursing and holding me close

Thank you for the love that helped me grow strong.
Thank you for each moment of caring
of worry, concern, heartache
and love
Thank you for being my Mom.
That bond of sharing a body
that magic gift of providing life.
I think of you today on the day of my birth.
Thank you for saddling me up on your hip with another babe in arms and two older ones running around.
Thank you for holding it all together
for keeping me safe, warm and fed.
Thank you for each carefully thought out birthday party and gift.
For the thank you notes sent on my behalf
the beds made for me, sheets washed for me
food cooked for me.
Thank you for doing an excellent job.
I appreciate it everyday
and today especially, give thanks
for you
the soft hands and gentle voice that sang me to sleep.
I love you as much as a 56 million oceans
Thank you for being my Mom