Friday, February 27, 2009

a study in the color of female


Today I am feeling
pink
flushed
like a flower
full of liquid nectar
I am in the sunshine
opening
growing
reaching outward
I am looking at the clouds
following their formations
funny, for a flower to look
and to see.

Is that me
or a reflection
a blue sky
a blue sea
a tall tree
all me
how trivial
how trite
how surfacy
on top
unearthed
unintentional
unthoughtful
unmade
unfinished
no.
it's all good
all beautiful all perfect
all grand
all done up
all over the fuck over the place.
Oh, pink turns to red
deep , dark red
full and bloody and ready to pour
ready to rip
ready to scar
and tear
and turn
over and over
then brown and subtle
and softer then gone
and flooding through until the pink returns
next moon


Thursday, February 26, 2009

bridge walk

awake
from slumber
quiet
shaking of the washing machine
spin cycle
coffee
still warm
the new morning ritual
post hectic
post scramble
post sweet kisses good-bye
here I sit
constructing the day
what will
I miss?
Not my new luxury
a walk
in perfect weather
over the bridge and back
I'll have time if I get going soon.
one foot in front of the other
rhythm and balance
a practice of physically moving forward
getting perspective
and allowing the divinity of nature to speak
as I am reminded by the words of other wise women
I walk on
eyes open
accepting the sun
the wind
whoever I encounter on my path
whatever situation arises on the walk
a little different each day
but the same practice.
mind, body soul
I'm goin' over the bridge ladies
see you when I get back.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

spring

New moon
and intentions are clear
high
crisp

what a time to be breathing
seeing
doing
tasting
remembering
and listening
well
to each other
to the wind.
This time it seems as if the flowers and the sky hold all of the wisdom
connecting to that
powerful force that landed us here
believing in it
with the studied shut down of the brain
a compromise with the ego
I will recognize you, but you are not me
you are not in charge
a quieting of the voices
the perceived assumptions of others
as if all they have to do all day is judge us.
they are worried about us judging them.
Isn't that silly
crazy even?
But we are learning.
quickly in this time
how to be
still and to listen
and to be gracious
and loving
and how to do by living well
by setting an example of love
of peace
of graciousness
I do feel myself standing at a podium
in a congregation
the thing with that organized religion
the base of it is all the same
it has only been twisted and turned and
douced with fear and fire
let it burn down to it's essence and we will be happy, free people
each day should rise up
push through struggle to the knowing that we are ok
taken care of and held high.
living with the knowledge that we can grow as easily as the flower grows
holding no fear when winter comes as the flower does not fear the ice and cold
it is it's time
and in spring it will be reborn
we can not rush it
we can only wait
for spring to come
I see the buds begining to grow
tiny shoots of promise
longer stints of sun
a calming song from the birds who are waking up with us
to that glorious day


Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Family Dinner

It's 6:03 taco's for dinner
It smells so good
waiting for Mama
to walk in the door
Hot Taco's tonight
and our circle of happy family
foue
gathered to talk about the day
Their running to the oven..it's beeped
and the shells are ready to come out
Yum

Willow Tree

This is not my flow of words but some that I have adopted for my friend

to hold close, while we hold her close

in anticipation of the first gentle breeze...

Willow Tree
Anonymous




I am a willow tree,
Strong, yet fluid

graceful.

I can bend with the wind,
but my roots are tough,

indestructible.

Opening to birth my child
is flowing with the wind:

from a soft and gentle breeze
to a stormy gale
back to a soft and gentle breeze.

My body is strong, but flexible.
It is my friend, it knows how to open.
I am a friend to my body

eating well, walking, and loving myself.

I shall birth safely, freely, openly . . .

among my loved and trusted ones.

I am the willow, flexible

beautiful resilient
endowed with the power of surrender

to the wind rustling through my leaves,

my branches.

My roots reach deep into Mother Earth
Anchored in Her strength
I bring forth life
In joy!

Monday, February 23, 2009

flow in green

new day dawning
fresh sprigs of mint garnish my day
a brisk walk in perfection
a smile
and reminder of the tick tock that works
the passage of events and things
emotions and experiences
living between the veils
living close to lucid
getting blue and thin
and transparent
feeling one with it all
intending to stay here and grow
not slip back
crowning eminent
where did I guess?
3 to 4 by now
that's respectable progress
for a labor thus far.
ready to go do the work of breathing
and helping the tick tock turn to flow.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

red time

red

Saturday, February 21, 2009

boy on the hillside

Bam!
and he ran and ran
up over the hill
into the side wall
where no one could see him
he crouched and ducked
and stayed there for a while
silent and owning the right
to take that space
the option to do nothing and be still
it overwhelmed him
the prospect of fortitude
the concern of growing bigger
the scrape on his knee from when he was three and it was just left to bleed and weep and bleed
still healing
how does this crouched down space help make that wound clear and disipate?
It rolls over
contorts
moves forward.
Then he stood
seeing green that was radiant
and smelled like moss.
he stepped
he was stiff
and cold
but sure to warm up once the blood began to flow.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

You can leave that there like that

Oh...
Today was good.
Yesterday work
and it paid off.
A deep trip inward
a pact of sorts
seemingly revealing itself.
Really.
just have the courage to believe,
really believe without the net
and you will wind up in your bliss
believe with such certianty that there is no room for error.
no doubt.
Have you ever known something with out a doubt
something that you wanted to do
that you KNEW....KNEW you would make happen? Did it happen? Sure it did.
It's when we are unsure or wishy washy or just not there yet
that things get fuzzy and confused.
Oh if I could only take my own advice.
I realize that I do a lot of talking
a lot of advice giving
even when it is not asked for or wanted.
I'm learning to listen.
really listen well.
and turn off my ego. Oh... my princess just walked in with a fairy music box that has her guardian angel in it. gently laid it playing sweet music up upon the desk then took it away in a floatly walk out of the room. You see, I KNEW she was coming
I KNEW he was coming. I knew they would get big in my belly. There was NO doubt.
and that is the only thing I have ever been so sure of in my life. and there was no room for error. I was making that happen absolutly.
I'm not so sure about anything else.
But I trust the crazy process.
I do not r-read and edit these so I hope I have I have held you all close and not offended. They are only quick...free thoughts flying off my fingers
yes.. that was my disclaimer...I hope it came out ok...I trust that it did

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Profound

If you stop worrying,
You will have nothing to worry about.

















exercise in slow

shhhhh
it's time to be still
to listen
and see what we hear.
get clear
no fear
be hear
No running
just walking
quietly
thoughtfully
peacefully


Tuesday, February 17, 2009

nite time pourings

"Oh boy
do I have stuff going on."
That's what she said.
So quickly as if there might be an explination
Maybe not of the exhuastion has really set in.
And apparently I can not spell this evening...but these posts
are not edited right. So there be the humaness of it all.
Really just a happy, tired brain.
What a glorious feeling to be back in the flow. To feel normal and not sick and not faded out of my energy.
A very busy day. A 15 dollar hair cut! really it's not bad, but she did cut her finger pretty bad while doing it. and then proceeded to tell me that there was skin on the scissors. EWE!
Made a good, don't rush with sharp objects talk for the kids though.
They loved the story
and told me stories of what happened in their days...too
It was a great day
a great evening
and I am hoping fro more. An easy check in with the one I love
a good rest
a tall glass of water before bed
and of course a nice strong cup of coffee to wake up to.
nite nite my loves.
Maybe I'll run into you in dream land. Been hanging out there
a lot these days
on other planets and stuff...
way to realine my brain
which really, really can't spell

Monday, February 16, 2009

Beach Day

Sticky orange juice fingers
sandy toes
a sky blue sea
a wind saying
"time to go home"
Happy babies
happy big kids
happy Moms
a day to savor
a turning of the tides?
A magic wish come true?
I hope so
we'll see and ride the wave of blue
and sunshine into the afternoon.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

growing

Again I sit here
brain a little fuzzed
east Saturday morning
great pace
slow
so slow that I can hear the cars moving down the street.
I continue on
down the road
through the experience
trying to remain awake and aware
and in balance.
ebbing and flowing
ebbing and towing
running up hill
then sliding down
sometimes a smooth ride
sometimes I get beat up.
Remembering wine
and sand and a two perfect beach chairs
was that really last night?
A perfect date on Valentine's Eve
It was and a sweet begining to a chocolate filled morning.
Late omeletes
new sprouts on the starfruit tree.
early morning watering of the garden that is really taking it's time growing///
but it's getting there
and we love it because it is ours.


Friday, February 13, 2009

Got to have some fun under da sun.
It's a Friday, beautiful,
sunny,
warm.
Happy weekend
good friends
good love
beauty

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Princess Tea Becomes Me

Princess tea becomes me
I am thinking of flowers and lace
and a big bright smile on my daughters face!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

sticky dishes

Oh my
what will it be today.
I am so unsure of what will come. A word to spark inspiration
A clipping of a plant
hoping to make it grow
a sweep of leaves as the wind blows more in
a sticky bowl of oatmeal left over from the morning rush hour
a list of things to do
a quiet peace
the rustles with the struggle of being alone in that quiet
a drastic study in contrast
loud
fast
crazy
whiny
messy
hungry
to quiet
heavy stillness
so much space
room to move
tasks to accomplish
well
things stay put until 4:30 when the process starts all over again
cycles
rhythms
a new mission each week
a new goal
in the old days
a new worry.
but I'm practicing not worrying anymore
so I don't really
it wastes this precious time
After all of these years you do really get it.
be where you are
for in two years
you will look back on that time fondly
and two years ago you would have done just about anything to be where you are now.
Is that it?
the mystery
really
could it be that simple?
If you experience each moment fully then you are always where you need to be
always ok
not off in dream land or worryville
just where you are
doing whatever it is that you are doing
and yes...
I vow that now that I can
I will vaccum out the car once a week
and clean the shower
and I will enjoy it
damn it
I will enjoy the space I have in which to do it
and I will NOT be worrying about what else I could or should be doing
because that will show up when it is time
oh, If I could remember this all the time
well, we're getting there aren't we?
oh no silly girl...we ARE there isn't that the whole point you just made?!?!
How quickly it slips in and then out again.
Yes we are there
all the time.
Well,
I'm off to do sticky oatmeal dishes
with joy in my heart and radio turned up really loud!
Let the day take you where it may.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Those Hard Conversations

Oh they are hard.
You know, the conversations that last forever.
squirming in your seat.
hoping it will be over soon.
But through many years of hard conversations
I have learned that they make for easy days, easy nights
a clear understanding.
and like anything
hard work pays off.
Us humans...we don't like to be uncomfortable for very long.
But sometimes,
when we allow ourselves to go there,
we find relief.
If we can get really get real
and talk about all that stuff.
the stuff that sneaks up on us...
burrows it's way in,
settles and infests us

If we ignore it,
it grows,
turns green and brown and gross and big.
But if we let it come out at once
as uncomfortable as it is...
we become free
clear
and good stuff happens.
afterwards.
like the sunshine breaking through after a nasty storm.
You don't appreciate the dryness and warm light as much if you've been hiding away inside the whole time.
So go outside
when thoses dark clouds roll in.
Sit in the nasty storm for a while.
Let it pound you like hell.
Then sit back and bask in the magic of the sun light.
Let it's warmth dry your nappy,
wet,
wind blown hair.
It's one of the gifts of being human.
And then you can say you've been there.
You've lived.
You've weathered the storm
and you've got rockin' hair to boot.

Monday, February 9, 2009

foldings

Until we meet agian
under a tangerine tree
until our feet are bare
our chests high
A question arises and fades
arises and fades
like breaths
inside a cave
the sunny day advances
with subtle whispers on the wind.
A connection
continuous.
with blades of grass
skies of blue moving quickly overhead.
A folded piece of paper in my back pocket.
Worn blue jeans
comfortably fitting.
rough around the edges
just the way I like them.
I sat there with her and looked with thought
release the wall I thought
turn liquid
turn soft
and shine brighter.
Then
FLASH
a deep blue sky.
night.
stars a twinkle. The breeze turns cooler
the soft dance of the outside noises
The wood is cool beneath my feet.
still bare
and feeling cool, confident
encouraged
I move on through the night until the day breaks
and I realize the menu for the next day.
I take it in turns, in pieces
and feel hopeful that this day will sail
continue forward
bright, crisp, focused and with great intention.


Sunday, February 8, 2009

Sunday Evening as it should be

Today
rolls along, on an even keel.
Indeed, an easy and beautiful Sunday.
So intentions are set for an easy and beautiful week as well.
I'm sending wishes for a clear walk...over the bridge.
A fresh mind. A warm heart.
A balance. A shift
upward
and inward
and outward.
A steady flow of sweet nectar.
A warm smile
an open heart
A good sleep
a strong cup of coffee
and love
sweet,sweet love.
Have a beautiful Sunday evening.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Already

Thursday, February 5, 2009

steak happened

After a trying day
a phone call,
a visit
and a hot cup of tea
from a good friend helped so much.
Also inspired a steak dinner
which I needed so much
the whole nine
a nutritionally void wedge salad
topped with blue cheese
a hot steak grilled outside
on Florida's coldest night
some fries straight from the bag
what a perfect meal
to make me feel full and nurtured
some times it's the small things
prepared with a really cold, good beer
that can shift the whole energy of a night.
Left over ziti to full on indulgence...who knew.
Yes, you really do have the power to make it happen
one steak dinner at a time.

slow day...


Be
still
on the couch of rest.
Retrograde is over?
Oh, is that what it's been all along?
I'm not even hungry and my lips are dry
Why do I think coffee is a good idea? It is not
water would be though
ok,
I'll do it
a glass of water
and if I actually finish it,
do I get a coffee for my reward?

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Hmmmmm
sometimes I wonder about the connection
of everything and nothing at all
I rewind and fast forward
I compose and dilute
I move
v e r y
s l o w l y
or way too fast
do you even remember the time when I said shhhhh
not so much
or no
not too fast
or stop
I'm in control
or
never
ever
throw the crayons around you kooks
ohhh now they have stopped
and it is my turn too.
destruction will surely come if I do not refocus my attention on them
so farewell
for now

toasty warm

Today it is toasty
happy
soupy and wild
I am not feeling so whirled around
almost myself again
almost recharged
almost
I feel it, the next big push of good
the next wave of fun
the next period of less struggle
the spring time


this wild combination of ease and toil is getting more clearly defined
and now I must go read an enchanted tale to my little flower whose petals are bright again who is recharged herself
who is singing her song and needing her Mom
what greater purpose is there
really?

text fwith winged creature

and so here I am on the wings of love about to fly up to that love source in the sky.

winged creature

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

goodnite agian


Here we are again
the word
the font
the size
the time
to let the words come
like paint to paper
with sounds and thought instead of color
texture in the meaning
a creamy combination of syllables
a word with punch
a period
a space
all tools
in the creative language
all parts of that flow
and now I must go
to take a hot bath
unwind
in
that reproduction of amniotic fluid
warm and comforting
a soft flickering light
a quiet house
then sleep
and who knows where I'll go out there

Monday, February 2, 2009

goodnite my loves


It is the end of the day
just thought I'd check and see what was floating around in my head.
I am tired
Body tired
stiff shoulders
stiff jaw
but happy
and grateful
a quite house
and yet I fill that quiet stillness with these words

just let there be quiet
silly woman
goodnite
and sweet dreams.

lucid blue

Today I write in blue
a crystal blue
a blue so hot it could be flame
calming
warming
lucid
I feel this strength in my hands
the liquid blue blood in them is on fire
activated charged and I feel like the circle has somehow been completed.
The blood in those veins will hold this blue fire pulse until it touches air
until it's first breath
until it is through circulating within
blue

like ice cold like hottest flame
the sea reflecting the sky
the mirror
the wisdom
the continuation
the story continues to bend, twist
to advance and retreat to give us a glimpse and then return inside
much like the emerging head of a child about to be born
with that strong bold push it emerges
and during the breath in between it recoils inside as if to catch a last hug from it's mother
slowly the head is ready to be born
the process is well crafted and intelligent
it is well on it's way
a secret we all are holding
a wish we all have made
a magical world that we can access
if only we have the will to remember
it flows down through the veins
through the years
through time and into that timeless place
where you really think the house is levitating
but really it's just your baby being born
just new life arriving
just the majesty of being given the honor
to bring a child into the world
if that is not proof that we are not all God
all the time
yes that wisdom of creating lives within our beings, our structure, our knowing
let's remember that the brain is only a tool
it is temporary
just as our bodies are
but the wisdom underneath
the blue blood is carrying us along
on the ride
through this wild dream
if only we can wake to realize where we are
a glimpse will start the fire
and we will burn a royal, lucid blue.