Monday morning spew

Good Morning
bright and cool
A Monday....full of to-do's
a list...not so long
not so imperative
just there to fill the hours
pass the time
make me feel productive
rolling forward into the next adventure
the next saga, next drama
unsure of where to go
what to do
who to be.....naaaaa
I'm just figuring out how to be where I am
to know that I am doing enough
of exactly what is needed of me.
Relaxing into happiness
and ready for whatever hardwork shows up
but only if it fills me
only if it is exciting
only if it is worth the energy that I carry around.
You see.... that is precious
the gift
I feel a duty to spend it with great intention
not out of any obligation
or feeling of should.
I am no good to anyone else if I am not filled up
tall with bright yellow light
and I am the only one in charge of how that goes
how it rolls
how it takes form in this space
back and forth
back and forth back and forth
my internal tennis match
I will try to stop it.
it is exhausting and long and boring and not even entertaining
although I suppose it is giving me some good exersize.
All of a sudden I am aware that you are reading this... hmmm wonder what it is coming out like...cause it blows through me so fast and without processing.
I guess that is one of the first steps...to letting that authentic self flow...like rapids and trust that no one is going to drown.
That's a big block for a Monday morning...maybe I'm just procrstinating
the list is just in front of me.
waiting to be crossed off.
happy week to you all