stuck in the poo

It will be interesting to see where this goes.
One of those.....
you know, "hard conversations"
they always come right about this time every month.

I can feel things shifting like the plates of the earth.

Hold on

That pull of the moon is serious business.

Melissa Etheridge and Salman Ahmad "Ring the Bells"
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I am thankful for a nice, HOT bath at the end of a wonderful day.
It won't be for a few hours yet but I anticipate it with glee.

Hoping everyone finds a way to end the day in bliss.

Sweet Dreams

*this is my official "fall" color. Hoping it encourages some cool weather to go with my HOT bath. Next week I may even incorporate a pumpkin spice candle and cinnamon tea to this ritual.

The gift I got from being open

I am thankful to my spirit for being open.
For remembering to listen.
To hearing the sweet words from my beautiful daughter.
As we lay in bed cuddling up for the evening. She said to me "Mommy, I want to be with you forever." Later in the conversation "I miss you when I'm at school." But she said it with a certain clarity and openess that I haven't felt from her before.

It is as if, in that moment my heart blew open into a million pieces.

Well then we will spend more time together I thought.
In that huge moment, I realized that this was my time to be with HER. As my son is getting settled into kindergarten, my little girl is reaching out for me in a way she never has before. With a tenderness that is just emerging. She seems to need me more. Wants to be held and rocked. As a baby she was so self-sufficient. I remember at a few months old she actually got hurt and cried with real need for comfort for the first time. I cried too, because I hadn't felt her really NEED me before. From birth she was so content. Crying for milk or when ready to sleep, but not needing to be held and rocked nearly as much as her brother. Her whole self seemed stronger, less fragile.

So, in this sweet moment at bedtime tears began rolling down my face. She needed me and There is time still. Unlike my 5 year old, she still has small traces of baby left. A little bit of round cheek, that ability to cuggle up tight.

Ohhhhhhhhh....yes.
This is OUR time.
She has waited so patiently for her brother to grow into his boyhood. He is happily exploring his independence and now I am available to her. To make up for that bonding that I had with him when there was no one else vying for my attention. I spent days with him, talking and exploring, getting to know him. She rode on my hip, nursed and laughed, but never had that one on one time, nor she she seem to need it. But now, she does. She wants time with me and I am fortunate enough to be able to provide it.

In that moment I realized that I have had time to take a breath with them both in school. Time to return to myself. I have regrouped from the insanity of having two little ones and here this gift presented itself, a little more time mothering in that very intimate way. I knew immedietly that I will be keeping her home an extra day a week and picking her up an hour earlier from school. We will parade around to playdates and parks together and get to know each other in that way. I felt this huge joy rise up in me. A small change of plans that I neither came up with or resisted.

She is ready and so I am I .
I am so grateful that I did not miss that moment or talk myself out of it.
My time as a mother to small children may be over soon but I am going to scoop this sweet girl up and savor her while I can. She is only 3 and I know how fast that will change.

My heart is so full and I am looking forward to getting to know her better.

Thank you for this opening.

It feels like I just unwrapped a magical gift.

It came in on the breeze

"We are the flow,
we are the ebb.
We are the weavers,
we are the web."

Happy Birthday Beautiful Boy

Happy Birthday to the little boy who welcomed me to his birth.

A beautiful day I will never forget!

This is for you sweet one.

Monday Perspective

Sometimes you just need to get some perspective.

Sit in your house in some quiet.

Clean the tub grout.

Fold some clothes.

Do some dishes.

Realize that there does come a point when your children need fresh pajamas, like, by fresh I mean new, fitting, seasonally appropriate pajamas.

and that their Mom's could use some fresh underware. By fresh I mean new, fitting, seasonally appropriate underware.

So, it is with great delight that I will feed that primal need within me to go to Target. With no children in tow..free to browse the bargin discount racks to score some crazy cheap thing I love. This must be the same feeling a hunter has when he has scored a huge animal that will feed his family and tribe for a week.

The need to provide an orderly home with things that make life flow well. Sometimes...new PJ's and underware are needed if only to sooth the Mama Bears instincts to take care of her family by providing a fresh score of berries that were hidden under some bush somewhere. As I write this I can not forget about a post by friend Rose who had this experience with Yarn last week over there at laughing monkey.

Let us not feel bad for the occasional need to bring things in.....it is about as real as the cycle of the moon....it is in our blood isn't it. That desire to hunt for treasure? Off I go.......

Moon Time

I am feeling a powerful moon upon us.

The anticipation is a force, swelling

waiting for the wave to reach shore

I can feel it rising up

sparkling in the sun

taking in the warmth

the gifts

of the sky

and holding them close to wash down over us.

I will stand,

arms outstretched

waiting for the power of the wave

keeping my feet firmly planted

ready to receive the force

the magic

the glory of it all.

Glow in Green

Oh, there is nothing like the new green that seems to jump and dance around after a good rain. What a glourious rainy afternoon.

Rise Up

Unexpected fires sometimes rise up.

Unannounced.

Undeclared.

They bubble up bringing with then the deep secrets of the earth.

They unleash extreme heat with an unbefore seen quickness.

And just as quickly as they rise up they disappear, leaving behind scorched trails in their paths.

They change things very quickly.
Allow things to move into the next form.

I am expecting the cooling calming waters to rise up next to soothe the heat torched land.

I am expecting cool winds that intercept the sun rays to keep them light and tolerable.

I am expecting peace to grow

love to grow

minds to grow

hearts to grow.

I am waiting to see it all swirl around with a power and force that is undeniable to everyone, not only to the few who have awoken to the secondary layers of understanding.

I understand that we are part of that force and that it is working.

Things are swirling

hearts, minds and souls are opening up wide to give and receive love.

This is the healing balm we have been craving

This will make it all possible.

This will return us to peace.

to the brilliant place from which we all came before we knew we were here.

This will open our eyes.

this is the force of love.

Let it flow.

Mondays Rock!

I am all wound up with excitement!
It could be the HUG pot of Yerba Matte Tea I just drank....however...

Monday has turned into this holy day for me.

I sit down with both kids at school. Begin the laundry mountain,
check out what we need from the store.

Check e-mail/blog etc... that I have missed over the weekend

and the best part.....

I clear off my dry erase calender and fill it in for the next week!

I really am at this point in my life where I find joy in order and organization.

Did you read that Mom and Dad? Don't fall over it's really true!

No worries though...my studio, my space that is all, mine is a stye.

Is that how you spell it in relation to a pig's stye?

No time to check....I have laundry to fold, groceries to purchase and paintings to make.

Happy Monday!

Rain Dance

Our whole family outside in the downpour. We got caught on the way home from Budda Belly and decided to embrace it.
Dancing in the rain, bellies full of doughnuts, coffee and milk.. Up in the hammock, quick get up before the water washes us away. The puddles pushing rushing water all around our back yard
Swinging in the hammock all wet and under the kids umbrellas. Splashing, laughing...all four of us. The dog runs inside deciding we are nuts.
Then we get naked on the back porch to be in the rain clothes-less for a minute, twirling around, arms open looking up into the pouring sky, before we run in for a hot shower. When we make it in to the shower, I hear a little voice from behind the curtain say "does it get any better then this?" ...
I don't believe it does.

The View From Down There

Remember, son that your angels are always there. Flying around with you even when you can not see them. They are bigger and stronger then the monsters and scary things.
I found this picture that you took for me a long time ago.
Keep it in your mind.
Call on it all the time.
I promise you they are always listening.

hmmmmm

Today is deeper, heavier and more potent than yesterday.

It is sure to reap more beauty ...that's just how it goes

Off to work.....

toting the mysteries

the questions

the knowing that I do not know and that when I really want an answer I must just let go

and receive what comes

in whatever form that may be

patience and surrender

with a bit of sunshine thrown in!

Spelling Lesson

I do not claim to be a good speller.....but really how many times have I misspelled breath for breathe. Like in the last post. I didn't edit it because, well at this point you all know I spell it incorrectly. But, tonight while reading to my children it was EVERYWHERE, after my very intentional effort to get it correct earlier today by adding the e to breath. Irony runs rampant...I'm sure I spelled rampant incorrectly too. Maybe since I have a child who is learning to read, I should brush up on my basic spelling and punctuation......hmmmmm...goodnite

Today

All I know to write is that today is good and I am thankful for it.

Thankful for it's hidden gifts.

For it's freshness.

For it's breathe.

Sky Wisdom

The Train of Flow

Today

I am riding on the train of flow

open to the tides and what may blow in on the breeze.

I have no expectations

I am up for whatever may come.

This is the sweetest spot.

To drop out of your ideas of a day is and to let the day make itself.

To be in time and space with clarity and awareness

today I am having a date with myself

I am moving around with lightness and curiosity

I am ready to receive the gifts and treasures that I can feel dancing around.

Open Doors

Today, after the rain I opened all of the doors up.

If only for a little while.

That promise of the shift in weather is in the air.

Circulation

Rejuvination

Clearing

Healthy Wind

Traveling in one door

And out another

Ahhhhhhhh

Afternoon Post

here i sit at 2:06

what an interesting part of the day

it is in between worlds

not yet hurried but awareness that it is near

a reminder to stay slow

stay open

let it flow

relax those thinking muscles

breath

really

slowly

feel your breath

in through your nose

out through your mouth.


*authors note

(I'm so glad I typed that because it made me realize that I say that to my son often. He is sensitive and easy to worry at times. I ask him to slow down, stop take a deep breath, in through your nose and out through mouth, I say. I ask him to feel his body, doesn't it feel better? I ask. And then I explain to him that of you are worried about something and you walk around with it and hold it. It gets bigger and begins to live in your body. That if we stop and breath and really feel it, The breath can take away our worries it can be a way for the stress to exit our bodies.( I also use this example when he worries about something and doesn't want to talk about it. I tell him that if we talk about it, it exits us, it doesn't belong to us any more, much like the breathing ......ok, so then I think..." This is so awesome. I suddennly gain this perpective of myself as a parent. ...I am teaching my children such good self awarness". This is awesome. This is how evolution happens. Generations continue to teach their children how to deal with the struggles they have fought. So one by one each human struggle diappears. For the things that children's parents did well stay with them as good things. The things that were missed or did poorly will allow the children to stuggle those struggles, learn those lessons and then add it the line of things that we will teach our children, that our parents taught us well. So, this is how evolution happens. This whole theory gives me hope that all of things that I am "missing" as a parent are the things that will make them grow stronger, grow into better people, a better generation. It gives me perspevtive on how this whole life thing works. I actually feel like I have been on this planet longe enough to have seen some growth, to see an evolution of people, of spirit. It is a gift to witness, and I am so honored to be in this place.