Nothing like walking in to your home bone tired and collapsing.
Especially when you LOVE your sweet, home!!!
Thank you house, thank you home...now off to dream land for a good 10 hours in our cozy bed!
Monday, May 30, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
almost here
stripes of color....pink, blue, yellow
a true flow, no thought here.....wondering what will appear
what will surface in this empty, white page.
I am excited at the prospects of playing with what I have built.
Spending time with these sweet people that arrived.
Grown, with their own ideas and opinions and experiences to share.
I delight to watch their faces light up as I give them my full attention.
The irony in this is that as I typed that last line, I was called, twice, loudly and then looked up to find two children in the doorway, far past bedtime, interrupting my idyllic post about them. How very funny is that?
Perfect now, that I sit in a pint sized wooden chair at their doorway as I finish typing. The glow from my laptop becoming the night light.
The dog is barking outside, so loudly there is no chance of slumber and I surrender...I think of that new book that has taken parents by storm ...you know the one...go the f#&* to sleep. The one that would be offensive to pregnant first timers.. and absolutely hysterical to seasoned, exhausted vetrans.
I am so grateful for it all and really, I am looking forward to this summer with all of it's sides...sweet, fun, exhusting, infuriating, beautiful, hot, sandy and long...I embrace this year...the summer that our boy is 7, still both top front teeth to loose and our sweet girl, five, growing tall and over pink and purple and princesses, ready to start Kindergarten in the fall. I believe it to be a magical summer. A summer of love. One that I plan to cherish and hold close to my heart, as I know how quickly it will slip away, much like the sunset..amazing, bright and beautiful and gone in the blink of an eye.....can I cry now?
a true flow, no thought here.....wondering what will appear
what will surface in this empty, white page.
I am excited at the prospects of playing with what I have built.
Spending time with these sweet people that arrived.
Grown, with their own ideas and opinions and experiences to share.
I delight to watch their faces light up as I give them my full attention.
The irony in this is that as I typed that last line, I was called, twice, loudly and then looked up to find two children in the doorway, far past bedtime, interrupting my idyllic post about them. How very funny is that?
Perfect now, that I sit in a pint sized wooden chair at their doorway as I finish typing. The glow from my laptop becoming the night light.
The dog is barking outside, so loudly there is no chance of slumber and I surrender...I think of that new book that has taken parents by storm ...you know the one...go the f#&* to sleep. The one that would be offensive to pregnant first timers.. and absolutely hysterical to seasoned, exhausted vetrans.
I am so grateful for it all and really, I am looking forward to this summer with all of it's sides...sweet, fun, exhusting, infuriating, beautiful, hot, sandy and long...I embrace this year...the summer that our boy is 7, still both top front teeth to loose and our sweet girl, five, growing tall and over pink and purple and princesses, ready to start Kindergarten in the fall. I believe it to be a magical summer. A summer of love. One that I plan to cherish and hold close to my heart, as I know how quickly it will slip away, much like the sunset..amazing, bright and beautiful and gone in the blink of an eye.....can I cry now?
Monday, May 23, 2011
Our sweet little ship!
Today....
that is how my posts have been starting.
I guess because they each begin on a day.
But today is really this evening, an unusual time to post.
both sitting, typing in this new place of adulthood.
the child who needed a little extra love nestled in our bed
a hot water heater holding what will become our bath, with candles and a few cans of Le Croix
coffee maker is pre-set, lunch, pre-set
dishes done
laundry done
homework done
the sun is long set
and the dog is asleep
I am ready to sink peacefully into this tightly run sweet, little ship we have built.
It may have taken a while and it may be modest, but it is ours.
through and through and it is real and true and built on love and good intentions
and it feels damn good!
that is how my posts have been starting.
I guess because they each begin on a day.
But today is really this evening, an unusual time to post.
both sitting, typing in this new place of adulthood.
the child who needed a little extra love nestled in our bed
a hot water heater holding what will become our bath, with candles and a few cans of Le Croix
coffee maker is pre-set, lunch, pre-set
dishes done
laundry done
homework done
the sun is long set
and the dog is asleep
I am ready to sink peacefully into this tightly run sweet, little ship we have built.
It may have taken a while and it may be modest, but it is ours.
through and through and it is real and true and built on love and good intentions
and it feels damn good!
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
walking in with faith
So, that hot yoga squeezed hot some lingering toxins I suppose.
One more excersize in patience, acceptance and trust.
allowing and trusting others to take care of me.
Going outside of myself for help
and realizing that I can not do it all on my own
sometimes, surrender mixed with patience allows things to compost and grow.
So, yes that bath of butterfly goo is on and I am in it, knowing what comes next
releasing resistance
and taking my medicine
with gratitude
One more excersize in patience, acceptance and trust.
allowing and trusting others to take care of me.
Going outside of myself for help
and realizing that I can not do it all on my own
sometimes, surrender mixed with patience allows things to compost and grow.
So, yes that bath of butterfly goo is on and I am in it, knowing what comes next
releasing resistance
and taking my medicine
with gratitude
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Bikram yoga
HOT
very hot
by this I mean temperature hot. 105 degrees to be exact.
The first class on a Sunday morning. A packed class. Glad I was not by myself. The doors shut, the heat takes over, the unknowing takes hold, that sharp edge of panic takes over for a moment, then a stronger voice chimes in. It begins....and a flow, a pouring of sweat, a deep stretching follows.
Two days, later, sore and scared to return, I force myself to go alone. No turning back.
It felt not nearly a s hot
but beautiful and right and perfect.
Today on this full moon I welcom my new practice!
very hot
by this I mean temperature hot. 105 degrees to be exact.
The first class on a Sunday morning. A packed class. Glad I was not by myself. The doors shut, the heat takes over, the unknowing takes hold, that sharp edge of panic takes over for a moment, then a stronger voice chimes in. It begins....and a flow, a pouring of sweat, a deep stretching follows.
Two days, later, sore and scared to return, I force myself to go alone. No turning back.
It felt not nearly a s hot
but beautiful and right and perfect.
Today on this full moon I welcom my new practice!
Monday, May 16, 2011
Thanksgiving in May
Today, I am thankful for so much.
A fresh new space to type,
the smell of coffee at 3:47 in the afternoon.
the promise of a fun-filled summer with amazing children
the gifts that keep rolling in with the adventure of each day.
I am thankful for my health and life and understanding.
I am thankful for the work and the wisdom and the most amazing gift of all in a partner who has shown up to do the work with me openly and honestly and courageously.
Today, I give thanks.....and head off to pick up my sweet kids, fresh coffee in hand, prepared for the chaotic love that will soon come bustling through these doors. I remain aware of my intention to parent mindfully, even if it is more work.....even if I lose it by 6:30, I will dust off my Mommy apron and try to re-phrase in a kind and productive manner......ha ha...so much fun!
A fresh new space to type,
the smell of coffee at 3:47 in the afternoon.
the promise of a fun-filled summer with amazing children
the gifts that keep rolling in with the adventure of each day.
I am thankful for my health and life and understanding.
I am thankful for the work and the wisdom and the most amazing gift of all in a partner who has shown up to do the work with me openly and honestly and courageously.
Today, I give thanks.....and head off to pick up my sweet kids, fresh coffee in hand, prepared for the chaotic love that will soon come bustling through these doors. I remain aware of my intention to parent mindfully, even if it is more work.....even if I lose it by 6:30, I will dust off my Mommy apron and try to re-phrase in a kind and productive manner......ha ha...so much fun!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
The Day's Evolution
Today I have a space.
A gap if you will, in my day.
Sure, I could fill it with chores and things to do that seem reasonable, responsible, productive.
Isn't that what I do most days?
But today, I dare myself to not fill the gap, to just be, to see what the day provides.
To roll with it.
No guilt, no fear, no negativity.
Just some space to enjoy the peace and quiet.
To enjoy my life and my city and my house and my body, my health and good fortune, to experience the world around me. Just to watch it. Without an agenda.
To let the day evolve ahead of me.
A gap if you will, in my day.
Sure, I could fill it with chores and things to do that seem reasonable, responsible, productive.
Isn't that what I do most days?
But today, I dare myself to not fill the gap, to just be, to see what the day provides.
To roll with it.
No guilt, no fear, no negativity.
Just some space to enjoy the peace and quiet.
To enjoy my life and my city and my house and my body, my health and good fortune, to experience the world around me. Just to watch it. Without an agenda.
To let the day evolve ahead of me.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Today
Today I sit
in silence
which is not really silent anymore.
It is rich with color
and impulses
that vaguely translate
but loosely,
Like a thin, sheer fabric that is barely touching your skin as it blows in the breeze, allowing you to see what is on the other side as it dances to the rhythm of the wind.
I sit with awareness.
a filter, if you will, for all thoughts
knowing that they are simply that,
thoughts.
I feel far away now, from becoming them or allowing them to become me.
And, once in a while I decide to remember my prior way of being, I may even try it on, like a suit or a costume. It is awkward and feels empty and hollow, like a shell with no one living in it.
Sometimes, it is good to return to that which you came from to remind you of how far you've come. To remind you why those ways no longer serve you. To remind you of the common experiences of so many in order to allow compassion over outrage. To remember that it is all a process.
And that may be the practice of being in the now, not wanting more, just being and seeing the complexity and simplicity at the same time.
And, as so often happens after finding this place of understanding, I will be squashed, reduced to the goo of the butterfly, to remember again how to transform within the cocoon. I am ready, and know as I type this to hold on, the next conraction is close and it will be powerful and it will be productive and so it goes, and so it goes, and so it goes.
in silence
which is not really silent anymore.
It is rich with color
and impulses
that vaguely translate
but loosely,
Like a thin, sheer fabric that is barely touching your skin as it blows in the breeze, allowing you to see what is on the other side as it dances to the rhythm of the wind.
I sit with awareness.
a filter, if you will, for all thoughts
knowing that they are simply that,
thoughts.
I feel far away now, from becoming them or allowing them to become me.
And, once in a while I decide to remember my prior way of being, I may even try it on, like a suit or a costume. It is awkward and feels empty and hollow, like a shell with no one living in it.
Sometimes, it is good to return to that which you came from to remind you of how far you've come. To remind you why those ways no longer serve you. To remind you of the common experiences of so many in order to allow compassion over outrage. To remember that it is all a process.
And that may be the practice of being in the now, not wanting more, just being and seeing the complexity and simplicity at the same time.
And, as so often happens after finding this place of understanding, I will be squashed, reduced to the goo of the butterfly, to remember again how to transform within the cocoon. I am ready, and know as I type this to hold on, the next conraction is close and it will be powerful and it will be productive and so it goes, and so it goes, and so it goes.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
reminder to self
I vow to drop down to that place.
Still, peaceful knowing
and hold on with both hands
bringing it up with me, firmly in my grasp and to carry it around with me until I realize that I am that all-ways
Still, peaceful knowing
and hold on with both hands
bringing it up with me, firmly in my grasp and to carry it around with me until I realize that I am that all-ways
Monday, May 2, 2011
The Joy of Being
Riding waves
and stopping to check the view from the crest of a really beautiful one.
Sometimes, I get the feeling that all of that hard work is paying off.
Being true to one's gut instincts
even when it looks messy and seems too hard
too complicated.
The payoff is the freedom of being.
No undoing
just being
with arms wide open
eyes wide open
heart wide open,
trusting that intuition is smart and in the driver's seat.
and stopping to check the view from the crest of a really beautiful one.
Sometimes, I get the feeling that all of that hard work is paying off.
Being true to one's gut instincts
even when it looks messy and seems too hard
too complicated.
The payoff is the freedom of being.
No undoing
just being
with arms wide open
eyes wide open
heart wide open,
trusting that intuition is smart and in the driver's seat.
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