liquid visionary

Clear Space

2011-09-03T21:44:00.002-04:00

There is nothing like clearing and changing your space to bring about renewal of the spirit. Sometimes in Spring, Sometimes in Fall, sometimes the New Year. Whatever the occasion, it is a great gift to give yourself. One that requires focus and energy but costs nothing and will make you and your house very happy indeed!.....So to my kids room and my living room, I say , thank you and your welcome...and I can't wait to hang out in your gracious, healing, calming space ...and to send my children to bed and to play in a clean, clear, joyful place.

I love my sweet, little, perfect home!

Oh, Here I am

2011-08-25T21:19:00.002-04:00

Hi.

Here I am.

Back from the dizzy spin of summer.

Fabulous, sweet, wonderful in so very many ways....and totally shocking to my system which had become used to still, peaceful time in which I could care for my home and self and a stillness in which I could actually hear myself, feel myself, see myself.

So, we return to the sweet, sweet rhythm of the school year. Something I am understanding now in a deep way. The children were so ready. They are so happy to have their own space as well. Their own friends and identities. Their own battles to figure out without the shadow of a mother over their shoulder. The pride that comes with that.

I am recovering from an end of summer ass kicking and I finally feel like a human with full capacity to breathe in all ways. I am so excited for all that I will learn this school year. So happy with my life. It is like I emerged from the salty swim of summer to realize that I live on a really, really rockin' beach, with one hell of a view. I feel ready to run around with my hands in the air screaming with joy at the life I have created. I am so very happy to be here and so filled with gratitude!

Namaste

Summer Mom

2011-07-01T22:13:00.003-04:00

I take a quick moment to be here. With myself. and am grateful and full and connected. Yes, I still exist...and await my return to long hours of meditation.....until then...hot summer fun with sweet, loving children!

New Moon

2011-06-01T13:37:00.002-04:00

A clean house, and relaxed mind as I enter into the flurry of this afternnoon. It feels like it has been a while since I grounded myself properly. Well, it feels good and on this new moon I guess that will be my intention....to care for myself as well as I care for my family this summer!

home

2011-05-30T21:21:00.001-04:00

Nothing like walking in to your home bone tired and collapsing.

Especially when you LOVE your sweet, home!!!

Thank you house, thank you home...now off to dream land for a good 10 hours in our cozy bed!

almost here

2011-05-25T21:06:00.002-04:00

stripes of color....pink, blue, yellow

a true flow, no thought here.....wondering what will appear

what will surface in this empty, white page.

I am excited at the prospects of playing with what I have built.

Spending time with these sweet people that arrived.

Grown, with their own ideas and opinions and experiences to share.

I delight to watch their faces light up as I give them my full attention.

The irony in this is that as I typed that last line, I was called, twice, loudly and then looked up to find two children in the doorway, far past bedtime, interrupting my idyllic post about them. How very funny is that?

Perfect now, that I sit in a pint sized wooden chair at their doorway as I finish typing. The glow from my laptop becoming the night light.

The dog is barking outside, so loudly there is no chance of slumber and I surrender...I think of that new book that has taken parents by storm ...you know the one...go the f#&* to sleep. The one that would be offensive to pregnant first timers.. and absolutely hysterical to seasoned, exhausted vetrans.

I am so grateful for it all and really, I am looking forward to this summer with all of it's sides...sweet, fun, exhusting, infuriating, beautiful, hot, sandy and long...I embrace this year...the summer that our boy is 7, still both top front teeth to loose and our sweet girl, five, growing tall and over pink and purple and princesses, ready to start Kindergarten in the fall. I believe it to be a magical summer. A summer of love. One that I plan to cherish and hold close to my heart, as I know how quickly it will slip away, much like the sunset..amazing, bright and beautiful and gone in the blink of an eye.....can I cry now?

Our sweet little ship!

2011-05-23T21:45:00.002-04:00

Today....

that is how my posts have been starting.

I guess because they each begin on a day.

But today is really this evening, an unusual time to post.

both sitting, typing in this new place of adulthood.

the child who needed a little extra love nestled in our bed

a hot water heater holding what will become our bath, with candles and a few cans of Le Croix

coffee maker is pre-set, lunch, pre-set

dishes done

laundry done

homework done

the sun is long set

and the dog is asleep

I am ready to sink peacefully into this tightly run sweet, little ship we have built.

It may have taken a while and it may be modest, but it is ours.
through and through and it is real and true and built on love and good intentions
and it feels damn good!

decorated by my darling daughter

2011-05-22T21:17:00.000-04:00

walking in with faith

2011-05-20T14:26:00.002-04:00

So, that hot yoga squeezed hot some lingering toxins I suppose.

One more excersize in patience, acceptance and trust.

allowing and trusting others to take care of me.

Going outside of myself for help

and realizing that I can not do it all on my own

sometimes, surrender mixed with patience allows things to compost and grow.

So, yes that bath of butterfly goo is on and I am in it, knowing what comes next

releasing resistance

and taking my medicine

with gratitude

Bikram yoga

2011-05-17T12:25:00.002-04:00

HOT
very hot

by this I mean temperature hot. 105 degrees to be exact.

The first class on a Sunday morning. A packed class. Glad I was not by myself. The doors shut, the heat takes over, the unknowing takes hold, that sharp edge of panic takes over for a moment, then a stronger voice chimes in. It begins....and a flow, a pouring of sweat, a deep stretching follows.

Two days, later, sore and scared to return, I force myself to go alone. No turning back.

It felt not nearly a s hot

but beautiful and right and perfect.

Today on this full moon I welcom my new practice!

Thanksgiving in May

2011-05-16T15:46:00.002-04:00

Today, I am thankful for so much.

A fresh new space to type,

the smell of coffee at 3:47 in the afternoon.

the promise of a fun-filled summer with amazing children

the gifts that keep rolling in with the adventure of each day.

I am thankful for my health and life and understanding.

I am thankful for the work and the wisdom and the most amazing gift of all in a partner who has shown up to do the work with me openly and honestly and courageously.

Today, I give thanks.....and head off to pick up my sweet kids, fresh coffee in hand, prepared for the chaotic love that will soon come bustling through these doors. I remain aware of my intention to parent mindfully, even if it is more work.....even if I lose it by 6:30, I will dust off my Mommy apron and try to re-phrase in a kind and productive manner......ha ha...so much fun!

The Day's Evolution

2011-05-11T11:33:00.003-04:00

Today I have a space.

A gap if you will, in my day.

Sure, I could fill it with chores and things to do that seem reasonable, responsible, productive.

Isn't that what I do most days?

But today, I dare myself to not fill the gap, to just be, to see what the day provides.

To roll with it.

No guilt, no fear, no negativity.

Just some space to enjoy the peace and quiet.

To enjoy my life and my city and my house and my body, my health and good fortune, to experience the world around me. Just to watch it. Without an agenda.

To let the day evolve ahead of me.

Today

2011-05-05T12:12:00.002-04:00

Today I sit

in silence

which is not really silent anymore.

It is rich with color

and impulses

that vaguely translate

but loosely,

Like a thin, sheer fabric that is barely touching your skin as it blows in the breeze, allowing you to see what is on the other side as it dances to the rhythm of the wind.

I sit with awareness.

a filter, if you will, for all thoughts

knowing that they are simply that,

thoughts.

I feel far away now, from becoming them or allowing them to become me.

And, once in a while I decide to remember my prior way of being, I may even try it on, like a suit or a costume. It is awkward and feels empty and hollow, like a shell with no one living in it.

Sometimes, it is good to return to that which you came from to remind you of how far you've come. To remind you why those ways no longer serve you. To remind you of the common experiences of so many in order to allow compassion over outrage. To remember that it is all a process.

And that may be the practice of being in the now, not wanting more, just being and seeing the complexity and simplicity at the same time.

And, as so often happens after finding this place of understanding, I will be squashed, reduced to the goo of the butterfly, to remember again how to transform within the cocoon. I am ready, and know as I type this to hold on, the next conraction is close and it will be powerful and it will be productive and so it goes, and so it goes, and so it goes.

reminder to self

2011-05-04T12:51:00.002-04:00

I vow to drop down to that place.

Still, peaceful knowing

and hold on with both hands

bringing it up with me, firmly in my grasp and to carry it around with me until I realize that I am that all-ways

The Joy of Being

2011-05-02T11:53:00.002-04:00

Riding waves

and stopping to check the view from the crest of a really beautiful one.

Sometimes, I get the feeling that all of that hard work is paying off.

Being true to one's gut instincts

even when it looks messy and seems too hard

too complicated.

The payoff is the freedom of being.

No undoing

just being

with arms wide open

eyes wide open

heart wide open,
trusting that intuition is smart and in the driver's seat.

shhhh

2011-04-28T12:51:00.001-04:00

All of a sudden, the sweet, rhythmic swish, swish of the washing machine is as soft as a new, fresh, clean blankie on a tiny bed, ready to cuddle up to. Suddenly, I see the connection.

I think I will just listen to it for a while.....

Meditation

2011-04-27T12:29:00.002-04:00

This new study.
Sitting daily for 10, 15, 20, 30 minutes.
It takes a while for the thoughts to slow.
Glimpses of quiet, a slow rocking, dissapearing.

a feeling of softening, of shifting, then back to the body, the mind,

then back to that floaty place.
an occasional instruction from that which is not of the mind.

A foot asleep, a hip that is sore, then breath, only breath.

The result,.... a happy, calm peaceful, fully present Mother to pick up her whirling children from school. I can not wait to sit today.

Easter Sunday

2011-04-24T10:04:00.001-04:00

Glassy morning eyes open to the color of easter eggs. sugar and chocolate and two amazing children playing in their parents bed as they let the sugar rush slow. Joyful and carefree, just as it should be!

The arrivial of a task

2011-04-23T15:53:00.002-04:00

I fear not this challenge.

this interesting study of the mind.

The practice within the practice.

The forceful nudge to grow.

Am I on my toes?

Always beautifully tested.

Feeling the irritation and returning to the red balloon.

Pulling the string gently back down so that it rests in the proper place.

Not drifting off in to mind land, but exisiting only in present being.

If I am suddenly forced to say good-bye to something,this is one thing I would choose, I suppose.

Making me stronger and wiser and more resilient.

Understanding challenge and pushing through.

My Love

2011-04-12T13:11:00.002-04:00

One step at a time, she said

One sweet step at a time.

What did I realize on my walk today?

That you can not make a flower bloom.

You can plant the seed and watch it grow, in it's own sweet and perfect time.

And how beautiful it is to watch a flower that has been loved from it's seedling state and watched patiently open up and meet the sunshine with joy. To watch it bring bright, beautiful color to the earth, a gift indeed.

Monday

2011-04-11T16:59:00.003-04:00

Beautiful clean sweep to start a new week.

Watching the cycles as they overlap and welcoming the fun, easy week to come.

Stillness amid chaos.

Excitement at progress.

Being

Enjoying such simple pleasures at the children's LOVE of a fresh, new space that it theirs to occupy.

Each thing appreciated. One by one.....learning the gifts of simplicity, the gift of just being in and appreciating where I am in each given moment. Writing helps that a lot. I feel that tingly flow as I type. An affirmation of it's importance. A way for information to come in. By words, numbers, images. I am open to it all and give thanks for the presence and magic.

I love my life!

The Painting Day

2011-04-05T09:50:00.000-04:00

Rain
Paint
Music
Peace
Beauty
Streaming in
and on to
my canvas!

The Complex Balance

2011-04-04T14:12:00.002-04:00

Today I feel renewed

In my flowered skirt

a new intention and a new vision complete.

I try to explain and share, watching it wash over in tiny droplets.

Today, I feel alive. Present

Ready to explore the worlds inbetween.

Enjoying Peace of mind and clarity

Sureness

and deep, deep gratitude for this journey.

The Nap

2011-03-30T14:46:00.002-04:00

On the couch, with laundry folded waiting to be put away.

I allow myself this time to rest and respect my body's screaming need for another hour or two of rest today.

That moment of surrender.

grabbing a pillow and pulling up the fuzzy couch blanket over myself, fetal position.

Closing my eyes in the middle of the day.....

upon awaking I remember how, when I was pregnant I would nap, deeply

how when my babes were new I would nap with them, sweetly

how when they were two I would wait for them to nap, thankfully

and now, in my new time to myself, I too need a nap

maybe to make up for all of those days with none.

but I cherish it and today, say "thank you" to myself for allowing the quiet to prevail

to believe that I deserve it

to sweetly wrap myself up and say thank you to my body for all that it has done.

For all that it will do.

cycle ride

2011-03-30T09:50:00.002-04:00

the power of breath.

the sound of the washing machine in the distance.

preparing to walk the dog,

my mental list

my awareness of my body....tired, sluggish but kind to itself

aware that as part of this intense cycle I will feel tired for about two more days

and then release,

then my favorite week...creative, juicy, optimistic,

then flow,

then back into caution, however next cycle will be more gentle, it is every other one that rocks me.

But, it is this knowing and awareness that keeps it from consuming me, becoming me.

Remembering that I am riding a wave and that there is a pattern to it all, a function

I am slow and easy today.

listening to what I need, water, stillness within the movement,

can you feel the disjointedness of this writing. That flow that I love so well, is lost on me today, but that is ok, because I know it is on it's way and I find joy in that sweet anticipation!

much better

2011-03-25T13:26:00.002-04:00

One emotional roller coaster ride, one migraine and 2 excedrin later I am a new woman!

Thank you to the shamanic powers of pain killers.

I am ready for a fabulous, magical weekend!

approach with caution

2011-03-24T14:27:00.002-04:00

One officially unannounced session of overactive hormonal sobbing complete.

Trying to find the lesson........

Hoping that it moved with it any and all toxins of the previous moon so that I may return to my happy, joyful, easy place. Whew...do not underestimate the power of a hormone!

Thank You

2011-03-23T15:34:00.003-04:00

Thank you for this time today

for the awareness

for the feather

for the good sense to put myself where I want to be

for a l-o-n-g day

for the courage to wonder

for the unwavering belief

for the invitation

for the sunshine

for the peace

for the table full of books telling me, yes this is where you are supposed to be

for the gifts and the talent

for the flow

for my friends

for my family

for this blood flowing through my veins

for the choice

to be happy

for the choice

to choose love

EVERY SINGLE TIME!

Thank you for the practice!

I love you.

the practice

2011-03-16T12:16:00.002-04:00

Creation

a slow present practice

a flow experience

being one

within the process

this is why I should not think when writing or painting

or living...really

being is so much better

when I am alone, I get there quickly, easily

but my practice is to find that place with distractions

to practice being in all situations

while I know this intellectually all of the time, I am learning to practice it more and more

I suppose that is why it is called a practice

The moving of heavy things

2011-03-15T12:54:00.002-04:00

It begins that tickle in the throat

things that need to be said

even hard things

true things

rough things to hear

ugly things that have been carried around and need to land where they belong

put down

and cleared

allowed to exit

through that energetic passage of words

powerful words

that shift things and change things

words

create situations and diffuse them

words that shape our experiences and our realities

they can move heavy things

releasing them

leaving behind a rush of adrenaline which reminds of how powerful they were.

Stinging in the air, sitting there, hovering

with the potential to play over and over

doing any good?

I know not, but be sure of one thing....

they are no longer mine, they reside not within me

I have put them where they belong and my throat returns to health

The foundation has been poured with concrete for good boundaries and I reside safely within it's walls

Monday Morning Awakes Aware

2011-03-14T10:16:00.003-04:00

The layers pile up

one

by one

sifting and sorting, creating a boundary

illusions

project themselves upon the walls

changing from ugly to beautiful

dancing in the light

challenges arise, like a constant stream of pebbles being pelted

duck.....to the left

then to the right

handle them well

be strong and unwavering

and watch as the issues remain theirs

you are not porous to the outside

you create your own beauty

you are one step ahead of yourself

that part of you that floats.

life is complicated and layered

and the more you understand

the more responsibility you wield

and the greater the gifts,

the more astonishing the beauty

this world is a multi-layered, simple, complex organism

and I am honored and humbled to be here now

The Present

2011-03-04T10:30:00.002-05:00

A good swift run in the morning

a trip to the store to buy the fixings for a beautiful meal

a two hour session for me

a drive out to country to play with the cousins in a big pile of dirty goodness

an amazing house that has seemed to grow from a seed planted long ago

a celebration of the hard work that leads to beauty and

the bravery the allows love to blossom

the gift of being present in this life!

Spring Break for Me!

2011-03-03T10:49:00.000-05:00

Today, the Thursday before my kids are home for a week of spring break
(which I am really looking forward to!)

I am taking an afternoon for myself. I am pushing through any feelings of guilt and going to the beach by myself for the afternoon.

This was the suggestion of my amazing wife who, thought that it would be a good idea for me to have some relaxation before the kids break began. Thank you for the suggestion babe! I'm sure it will be a very beautifully long and glorious three hours at the beach.

How lucky am I that I can just hop over to the beach....
that I have a supportive wife who thinks I deserve such time for myself
that I will allow this joy into my life
that today is a perfect, perfect day for the beach!

Peace.

2011-03-02T12:05:00.002-05:00

Today I will write about all things good.
Trying this new way of keeping my mind positive and abundant.

Things that I did today that are good:

Ate a healthy breakfast
Was a sweet mother
Remembered the dance tuition check
Helped my son with homework
Let the dog ride in the car on the way to school
Helped a friend
Bought tickets to a concert for a fun date night
Did a killer workout
Took the dog for a walk
Managed a nasty situation with grace
Appreciated the butterflies
Planned a playdate for my kids
Took care of paperwork
Ate some greek yogurt
Did some marketing research
Helped my wife with her website
Was open to receiving
Took the time to write this post.

Nice, it is only 12:15!

Opening to the Flow

2011-02-21T13:11:00.003-05:00

Interestingly enough, my own words allowed me to do just that.
Go forth into my fear.
Magic happens.

Doing the right thing at the right time will grace you with abundance, flow, magic, magic so big you can't deny it.

Thank you Universe for a perfect weekend. I'll take more of that please!

I love it when that happens

2011-02-11T10:28:00.002-05:00

Finding Joy

in tiny things may be the trick to it all.

Really slowing down and being...I have said it 100000000000 times and still I find myself stuck once in a while.

Then I remember to be underneath it all

As I write this the sun tries to shine through, reminding me it is there.

Now, in this quick moment I am excited to walk the dog. To find beauty in the reflections in the puddles.

Wonder in the gray...thick clouds

All the while hearing the birds, who may be quieter than on the sunniest of days but are singing beautiful songs none the less.

God is all ways present

you just have to look

even, deep into the gray

and find that glimmer of connection within yourself, and the blood begins to flow awake within your veins and you have consciousness within your eyeballs and you give thanks for your health and you fingers and toes and knees that work, your organs and mind and heart and suddenly you ARE just in the gift of love and beauty and divine oneness as trite as that sounds it is there, beneath the boredom and worry and judgement. It is the real stuff of who we are. And now, I vow to go honor it as I walk my dog on this dreary, beautiful Friday.

rainy day

2011-02-10T14:58:00.002-05:00

So, I went for the ride! A beautiful flow filled ride...for a couple of days anyway.
It was beautiful, expansive and magical.

Today, it is raining. I feel better now after a hot bath, nap, painting which I haven't done in a while. Of course there was lots of laundry, a dog walk, and light housework thrown in.

I don't love the rain, the gray days . I know this and am prepare to return to my pre-exsisting blissful state when the sun comes out again on Saturday or Sunday. I try to find sunshine in the gray days,,,,,,,but it is hard. So I give in sometimes, just being in it.

Well, my creative juice is low.....I think I will head out to get a coffee and sit in public and enjoy being out alone for a while before I pick up my sweet kids and begin the wild afternoon, homework, dinner, bath, bedtime part of the day.

Money, Sweat & Ginseng

2011-02-04T08:50:00.001-05:00

Yesterday was the day,

I awoke from some sort of Shamanic nap

A new person of sorts

Filled with clear directives.

Put $100 in your wallet

Go for a run

Get some Ginseng.....then take it.

I did all of the above and feel as if each tiny particle of myself has changed, lightened, transformed.

Ahhhhh

Remembering to ask!

2011-02-02T12:19:00.003-05:00

Bring it!

That's all I have to say.

The money

The joy

The fun

I am aware.....I do the work

lots of love

blessings

respect

consideration

challenge...................on and on and on................now,

I am ready for that flow...

the kind that is big and huge

and makes you stand in disbelief of how good it is.

I am ready for more of the good

more of the great

believing I deserve it,

not feeling bad about wanting it.

I am owning it

arms open wide.....come on universe...let it rain down beauty so big that I am thrown up into the

sky exploding in a million ions of pure joy and gratitude.

I am asking for you to bring it!

and as a good friend of mine always says "I can take it!"

The magic of the moon

2011-02-02T09:37:00.002-05:00

Today on this New Moon....I wait for an intention to show

I wait for the living blood to show.

I am patient with my mood, I recognize it's doom as a wave.

I allow it wash over me, knowing that it will take with it all of the doubt and worry and negativity of the last cycle, leaving a fresh clean slate upon which to play.

I welcome it all as I respect the play of the moon, the tides, the swirling irritability, the sore weight in my breasts.

Yesterday, I allowed myself to sit, quietly and imagined a red tent drawn tight over my head, inside and quiet with my sisters of the moon.

Then, I ignored the voice that told me I was lazy and not doing enough. The one that called me irresponsible and made my stomach feel flabby and unattractive.

I ate butter and chocolate and noodles with more butter. I ate a corned beef sandwich with coleslaw and rye bread because I needed it.....

I forgave my state and thanked it for whatever it was showing me.

That just continued to piss me off, but it was ok.

Today, I get ready to do yoga, care for this swirly body.

Tonight, I get ready to sit with my sisters in a circle, knowing that many of us are on that cycle....maybe I will set up a tent.

Maybe I will just serve chocolate and red wine and smile at the warmth of the circle.....and dance under the absence of the moons glow as we danced under it's fullness. Celebrating it, wherever it is in it's cycle and giving thanks for it's gifts, it's history and it's magical, powerful properties.

The simplicity ~ joy equation

2011-01-27T17:18:00.004-05:00

A beautiful day...

coffee with a good friend,

getting into the earth and the life that grows abundantly around our home,

nice meal on the stove,

old pots with old plants making new,

children playing hard,

learning & loving

a date night on the horizon,

life is good!

all on the tip of your tounge

2011-01-25T12:17:00.003-05:00

And here it is....

the wind,
the flow,
the consciousness in between thoughts.

Becoming still and feeling the movement swirl around me.

The truth, honesty, waves of emotion

No different than the wind.

Becoming attuned to the smallness of life.

Tiny moments

Clarity and understanding for moments

the work

the dance..the great orchestration that is this life experience.

you grasp it, and it is gone like grains of sand

like water

like wind

all on the tip of your tounge

Grumps

2011-01-24T20:03:00.002-05:00

Oh, and then there are those grumpy days.

The blah and icky ones.

They are never too bad or too long though.

A nice reminder of why I love the clean, clear beautiful ones so much!

I'll take one of those tomorrow please.

Gratitude & Love

2011-01-20T17:37:00.002-05:00

Gratitude.

One of the most powerful ways to connect to my heart.

Small, quiet moments of true gratitude for small, quiet things.

That has allowed my heart to explode with light.

Mini fireworks sessions that let off small sparkes throughout the day.

Faith in the darkness.

The kind of faith that allows me to feel fear and push through it,

knowing that I will come through

trusting that I am here for a reason

a good reason

as we all are

even if it is only to learn the lesson of gratitude.

I walk away smiling.

Full Moon

2011-01-19T19:31:00.002-05:00

In the light of the moon.

I am surrounded

by

joy

gratitude

trust

and friendship

healed

renewed

loved!

READY TO ENJOY THE FUN.

ready to be one.

Ready to dance in the light of the sweet Full Moon of January!

The Perfect Sunday

2011-01-16T17:27:00.001-05:00

Happy Kids
Happy Moms
Free Play for kids
Free Play for Moms
Sunshine abundant
Love abundant
Beautiful day
Beautiful dinner
Peacful
&
Soul...full
Thank you for all of the simple gifts of life & family!

sculpture

2011-01-06T08:43:00.003-05:00

As I prepare to write I imagine words tumbling out, like supplies for a sculpture. I dig into my stash and muck around until inspiration hits and then it all seems to come together. One piece inspiring another. A small fleck of glitter reminding me to use light. The lack of glue encouraging thick, sticky tape that has been in a drawer for far too long. The tape dictates the height, the height dictates the balance. Then, I twirl it around on the table, stepping back, then moving back in, squinting at my work. Thinking, then not. Rustling around for the last element, the topper to the tree, the final statement. And there it is, still and complete. I stand and leave the room to refill my mug of coffee. Glad to have made something for the day.

2011

2011-01-05T10:25:00.003-05:00

As I return to this place of creative expression, I feel calm and excited. A place to lay my thoughts, to return to the kernel of creativity that dwells within me.

I find myself in this new year, humbled and slowed down with a fierceness. So slowed down that I am interested in spelling correctly. That may be the theme that has emerged. "Taking really good care of what is in place." QUALITY

Not adding anything prematurely. Remaining in a space of wonder and releasing any self judging thoughts.

As I have been slowed by illness, twice, and forcefully, I have learned to give myself the same respect and room for care as I do my family, or my car for that matter. If it breaks, I fix it as a matter of routine without resistance. Why not for myself. I am surely as worthy as my minivan! I have begun to be open to help. A theme that showed up this past summer...."opening from my heart to receive" this joined with the force of the wind was powerful and life changing.

No longer will I allow myself to be in suffering of any kind.

I acknowledge challenge and face it head on knowing that the lessons are what bring the beauty. I will appreciate the times of flow, knowing that it is all temporary and will shift like the cycles of the moon (and often times with it).

I am moving everything into a place of harmony.

Practically, keeping a clean home, a functional, orderly, fun and loving place to be with my family. Being happy with all that I have and caring for it with love and respect. Knowing that all will come in it's own time.

My work will all stem from one place, I will not be divided physically and I will sit in my yard and marvel at the beauty that surrounds me...I will be where I am.

I am so excited for this life and feel a huge wave of fresh air moving in!

As I let go of 2010 and all of it's valuable lessons and growth, I open my arms up to receive this new, bright year. Let another ring grow on the tree of this life.

hoops

2010-10-15T07:22:00.002-04:00

Jumping hoops

spinning round
over and under and upside down

in that carefree way that is boundless and open and free and happy and joyful

sprinkling little bits of glitter here and there

a return to that moment as a child of worry free experience.

It is still around and possible and can remain as long as we believe it.

Children who are happy and care free are well attached to their parents knowing that they are being well cared for

As an adult can we find that belief in a force that we are connected to?

A bigger, perfect parent, the kind that is always there watching and letting us mess up so that we learn but making sure we only get what we can handle and who steps in when we need it for real. hmmmm maybe that is the key

trust and belief

understanding the connection

allowing ourselves to float away from the mothership knowing we will be ok

doing the hard work to remain there and enjoying the ride!

Healing Soup

2010-10-06T18:18:00.013-04:00

Oh I could do my annual blog about soup. A poetic ode to one of my true loves, but today I decided to step it up a notch and record this magical ritual!

Healing Soup I love you so!

It begins with an open heart and an empty pot...so full of potential

then good ingredients

good music

I became so inspired by the music and the sounds...I made a little soup video

Oh the Glory

The toppings

the blogtastic photo!

Soup Season...bring it

this soup consists of the following:

Organic chicken soup base
fresh garlic minced (lots)
freshly grated ginger
bok choy
carrots
shitake mushrooms
roast chicken sliced
sometimes chinese wheat sometimes thai rice but any good noodle will do!

serve hot with lime wedges, sliced jalepanos, bean spouts and basil on the side
&
Lots of Love
enjoy!

(I don't measure...just feel it out)

The otherside post : learning to joyfully take time for myself

2010-09-30T14:17:00.004-04:00

post meditation
post weeding the yard
post a half a pint of ben and jerry's for lunch just because I can
post putting up the hammock
post basking in the sunshine
I do feel inspired
refreshed
tapped in
and
healthy
happy
gracious
and
joyful
all in one extraordinarily beautiful day
that I vowed I would take for myself. (thanks to my beautiful wife who made me promise to last night)
and I did
and it was worth every single second!

For Myself

2010-09-30T08:59:00.002-04:00

So today I made the promise to only take care of myself.
Why is this so difficult.
It is easy to make suggestions to others.

How do I do that?

Is weeding the yard the way?

Painting my toenails?

Meditating?

A hot Bath?

Ok....meditation met the most resistance I guess I will start there.

Just go into what seems uncomfortable

that is surely the way

I am not feeling inspired.

just groggy

guilty

out of flow

I will go back into flow

and see you on the other side.

outer space

2010-09-29T08:26:00.002-04:00

There is only space.

Finding that space is key

and then I suppose learning what to do with it, in it.

no, they say...that is the point

there is nothing to do or be or have

just experience the space

that is the point.

just be aware that it exists

find that seperation.

The Slamming of Doors

2010-08-19T18:37:00.004-04:00

When did my sweet little baby boy get old enough to need to slam doors?

To grasp for independence?

His own sense of self?

When did he get old enough to write letters to the tooth fairy?

I suppose he is getting ready to enter that seventh year...

you know ..become a first grader

become himself

I will take all of those hugs and cuddles as I can

the ones that come at the end of hard day of fighting for what is right!

Ok...I am not kidding when I tell you that at the end of this post I heard "Mommy, come here, I need you." So I go into his room. "It's stuck" he says with big eyes and a sweet face, about the door that he has been slamming in response to me asking him to write his grandfather a thank you note for a lovely day they have spent together. I mean, this after the actual sticking of fingers in his ears to let me know that he is not listening. "You're forcing me to do this and I already told him thank you" he argues about the note. So I calmly help him fix the door jam so that it will close properly. " "Can you leave?" he asks after the door is fixed. "Ok" I say and he returns to his grumpy, defiant state of being...with a gentle glimpse of toddler left in there somewhere, he shuts the door and disappears into his own space. At least it is still under my roof and he is not peeling out at midnight.

Oh the sweet joys of parenthood. I vow to enjoy it all!

Ok... better still...so 15 minutes goes by and he emerges

"Mom , can I play my game now?"

"Well, we have to talk first," I say

"about what?" he says

"the slamming of doors." I say

" I wasn't slamming the door Mom, just closing it, so you would be surprised." he says

"surprised by what?" I ask

"the thank you note I wrote." he replies

" the thank you note?" I ask

"yes,."he says

"may I see it?" I ask

" well, it's already sealed in the envelope he says." with a smile

ahhhhhh, my sweet, little boy remains

and it was all sealed up on his desk in his room waiting to be mailed.

"That's awesome that you wrote that all by yourself!" I said, "but, it's time to take your bath now." I say

"Ok Mom." he says and begins to take off his clothes.

Time Travel

2010-08-11T11:35:00.001-04:00

This very potent time of year has rolled in again.

Surprised by the force of the cycle

Excited by all of the potential

All of the forward movement

Like standing up on the crest of wave and realizing that you have just found your balance and can breathe for a while...still braced for the subtle shifts of the currents below

underneath all of this

2010-08-01T22:03:00.002-04:00

The rain
thunder that started as sweet, light flashes
that started with big pink clouds
that started with sticky humidity

Thankful for the clearing powers of the rain

It's ability to nourish, feed, and cool

To quench a thirst
Renew,
Refresh,
Recharge

Now, it is pounding

and pooling into streams

that touch something and spread
and pour until

it reaches the earth and is it absorbed

and then quietly distributed in no rush at all

in the warm, quiet earth underneath all of this

Happy Monday

2010-07-19T11:40:00.002-04:00

Oh yes, the beginning of the week.

So new and not the weekend it is.

Ready to step forward with these new shiny shoes.

Ready to make an impact and feel the wind on my cheeks.

As I move forward through this place.

I remember as a child wondering if we were all just having a big dream together

hmmm.......that was a pretty good thought for a seven year old

because sometimes it really feels that we are

I wonder where we will be when we wake up?

As a child I imagined it was on a small white cot with no blankets....all of us in a huge room sleeping on these cots.

Maybe now I will imagine us all invisible being the sky above, looking down on our bodies as we dream this dream.

I can imagine more I guess because I have seen more than I did at 7.

I wonder what I will imagine at 80?

Last Year's Post

2010-07-15T08:50:00.000-04:00

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Be Strong

Be Strong

For it is within you

The fibers of your muscles will grow

if challenged.

Be Strong

Your heart will work for you

pumping life through your veins

care for it well.

Be Strong

you are in charge of your thoughts

no one else can get into your mind unless you grant them access

Be Strong

it is all within you

we are all able to be

exactly who we chose to be

Be Strong

for when you can not do it on your own

rest assured that those who love you will be there

and you will always be surrounded

with exactly what you need.

Be Strong

be yourself, completely and your life will shine with brilliance

Be Strong

against all odds, use your gifts..they were given to you for a

reason...

Be Strong

and have a beautiful day, full of gratitude!

Kitchen Sink

2010-07-15T08:39:00.002-04:00

Really now

Each time I think I have been blown away by something I get another dose.

This time unspeakable kindness, a gesture of such heartwarming proportions I can barely breathe from the sheer amount of gratitude that is filling my lungs.

It is like being at the beginning ride or the end of a marathon

Knowing that it will simply shift into something else

but I am sure to stop and bend down and smell the sweet perfume of these roses

Give thanks for each cell of my body each wave of my spirit each moment that should not be washed by.

The knowing that nothing is in vain, even if it takes a while to show up.

And can I vouch for the power of the moon?!!!!

When you call in the forces of the wind it is no joke....things move fast

and there is no mistaking the correlation.

So, deep within the hodgepodge of this post is story unfolding just exactly as it should.

I am so glad that I listened to those three little birds regardless of the circumstances

Even while cursing at my spiritual guides with frustration and tears...I followed the guidance and pushed on farther and like a wave crashing down, all of the pressure was released

and now I stand in the wake, stunned and engulfed in the golden, glistening light of the sun.

Today will be a great day!

hot bath

2010-07-12T20:02:00.002-04:00

I am putting it all in the hot bath tonight

filling it with all that doesn't serve me

all that needs to soak it's way out

leaving me refreshed and relaxed and so put back together

I am climbing this mountain and know that the other side is near

remembering to look back at all of the hills and mountains I have climbed before

knowing they life will be sure to continue sending them

they are hard

and that means I am alive

and I am grateful for that....and looking forward to the next green valley

and I am not writing about the bath anymore

maybe I just needed to soak in the page a bit.

naaaa I'm taking a hot bath as well!

return

2010-07-10T09:41:00.002-04:00

Waking up to a beautiful weekend.

I am reinvented

focused on the joy
the happiness

what is working so well

a study in energy

this writing a part of the equation

a shift of consciousness

perspective
can actually change the chemistry of the mind

the body

the spirit

and so I have returned

from a big ball of struggle

so happy to be in the flow

just in time

to scoop it all up with open arms and

allow it to become me

cell by cell

connection to it all

once again

remembering that it is like birth a little at a time

contract
breathe
patterning through

head showing them disappearing

then showing some more

this was just a very long contraction but a progressive one I'm sure

late night flow

2010-07-09T22:41:00.003-04:00

As I sit poised upon a perch I wonder to myself how do these words come

......from where?

How does my hand remember how to hit the keys just right?

What part of my brain is working

What part of me is aware of what I am doing...for it certainly is not me

the me that I understand with absolute resolve

The me that I have been taught is me

Where does this stream begin

where does it cross over to that path of sea-ness

when do I become it

when it, me?

How does the hand know to stitch, or sew, or chop, or fluff, or drive a car, a plane

this is all a bit insane.

and yes, it's true, I've had some rum, and quite a bit of fun

but it is only lubricant for that which is different,

a stream, a thought a moment frozen in that illusion of time

that space of connectedness

that is us

Oh Sweet Manatee

2010-07-09T16:32:00.002-04:00

I screamed with the true excitement of a child.

"Oh my God, there is a Manatee"

about four feet away from me...huge and sweet and just so big, gliding by like it ain't no thing.

Then it came up for air with it's sweet nose....

later in the day it returned again to say hello

a magical day in yet another magical place.

Can I take it?

Yes I can!!!

packing for the ride

2010-07-08T08:43:00.003-04:00

Well, it is that time again.

to escape

to the green cover out east.

Only for the afternoon and a night and a morning

but that can so very long indeed

it has been raining a lot that means that the landscape will be totally changed

can't wait to soak in all that new, green, lush growth

ready to feel small among the trees

ready to feel quiet among the sounds of the crickets, birds and frogs

ready to open my heart to the great gratitude that floods it each time we get to dance in that enchanted place that waits for us when ever we make the journey

The change of scene can wash you clean and activate your wildest dreams

Knowing for sure that I will watch my children run free and explore and investigate and just be out in the open, where the buzz from the city is far away and we fall asleep under the bright white stars listening to the cries of enchanted peacocks

waking to drink coffee and run out to hold the chickens. Those easter chicks that have grown. All fuzzy and new tangled in easter sugar now making the farm element real and tangible. In a few months we can begin looking for eggs from them.

This is the key, right here...this insanely magical experience that seemed to drop down with no effort. in our laps. It is so big and came so easily.

When do I make the corrolation that it is connected to everything else we do? it is gratitude repaid, effort showing up sideways.....part of the fairytale.....how do we miss this? It is so good that we are going there today.....so very good...as a unit....four and a dog to run through the woods together and happy and free and floooded with knowing, flooded with magic, flooded with graciousness...taking the time to open our eyes and appreciate what has fallen into our lives.

Taking the time to watch the intricate spiderwebs that cover the untouched land.
Taking the time see ourselves as the spider.....
the intricate connections we make that hold space for us, even if forget to see it.
The webs that we walk into when we are not looking closely enough to our surroundings.

Oh this is good and I must write in here everyday....it saves so much time. Processes so quickly, records all of the insight that blows away in the wind.

I am off to pack a suitcase full of gratitude for an overnight stay in an enchanted place where dreams really do come true.

jumping up and down

2010-07-07T12:43:00.003-04:00

Dare I write in the middle of the day.

What am I looking for here in this page.

My children trying to harness their energy on a trapolene in the other room.

Can I get one of those? That rhythmic up and down that seems to absorb insanity.

I suppose I could just go in there and jump with them.

Oh... these days peace and struggle fluctuate so quickly... it is harder than it use to be...but that is what stretches and expands the mind....if it were so easy I would not appreciate the reward. I keep telling myself that.

My daughter just came in to tell me that the tramploene is fine, it is not done with it's body yet....so I will go in and jump...I'll let you know how it goes.

Hello World can you hear me?

2010-07-02T09:10:00.002-04:00

Well, I have not been here for a while. Thinking it might spark some creative flow to write.

The paints have been put away and it seems my mind doesn't turn quite as smoothly when I think so much

So practical these days....so functional.

An interesting paradox of actions and things that I do.

bouncing back and forth shape shifting gets tiresome.
so I vow to stay liquid and flow through it all. Oh, see how quickly things emerge when you just open the door and creativity flows through. That really is the nectar of life....

what makes things grow....the ideas that turn into matter.

Realize how powerful you are and how much potential you hold. Think, create....things that were not here before you put them into motion. Can we all grasp that for a moment...we would not worry so if we could reconnect to that infinite possiblity.

Hot Soup

2010-05-04T21:12:00.002-04:00

Sweet, sweet love in the form of a hot bowl of homemade soup.

It's like the comfort of all comforts.

Exactly how I like it.

Perfect in every way.

Renewing cells one by one.

Returning strength lost throughout the day.

Soothing, healing and all mine.

I will fix myself another bowl as I coil up in this mighty, simple pleasure.

Saturday Morning Dive

2010-03-27T08:52:00.003-04:00

Well I suppose I am ready to return here
To this place of freedom and creativity

I sit with hot coffee, a day ahead of me

A swirly evening behind

Returning here reminds me how fast time goes

How much I have to learn

How appreciative I am of the journey.

I am realizing that all things tend to get faster with time.

Intensity greater

Payoff bigger

and understanding of one's own power gleaming

I will not enter into this lightly...dipping my toe in and remembering that I may feel very cold
but it will not take me down.

May make me take a deep breath and shutter, may bring goosebumbs to my skin

But is all protected and functional

that old saying comes to mind....."God never gives you more than you can handle"

And so I step to the edge

of that great, tall diving board

knowing that others have jumped before me

knowing that I can swim

knowing that there is a organized concoction of feelings that go along with the jump

bravery, questioning, bravery, fear (not for long), strength, determination, adrenaline, freedom, impact, relief, wonder and then the desire to do all over again.

I vow to move forward and take the leap. There will be no turning around to climb back down the ladder.

But dear universe....I ask to catch my breath in between

Be Cautious

2010-03-27T08:50:00.001-04:00

Remember to be ready when you say out loud "bring it on" to the universe.

Always good to follow it up with a I am strong statement.

Because yes you can...

just remember to hold on for the ride.

Whew

The Nudge

2010-03-26T10:39:00.002-04:00

I can feel it again

that nudge of creativity creeping in

about to burst forth

growth with great momentum

the muscles forming after you break them down

the slow rebuilding of tissue and strength

damn, they are looking good!

I graciously await days on the beach

soaking in the magic of the sun

the salt of the sea

the comfort of the sand, the shells, the beauty of children making friends with the beach again.

I am here

arms wide open

ready to receive all of the glory in this world

bring it on universe

I am strong and I am excited for this bountiful period of payoff.

Thank you for all of the gifts!

Last years post

2010-03-26T10:37:00.001-04:00

This a repost from a year ago...

we are headed out there this weekend. Just in time to rejuvinate, reconnect with nature, quiet, peace...look how far we've come in the year...I love spring...and was that really a year ago?

The Ranch

A small house in the woods
only 40 minutes from home
horses roaming freely
we make friends with them
feeding them carrots and fresh green apples
majestic peacocks roam and meow like cats
a big fire pit, smokey and full
exploring galore
a pack of dogs with puppies and nursing Mama dogs run around and stop by once in a while
we work on the house
stop to eat
take a hike
continue.
dirty, dirty fingernails
burrs stuck everywhere
a morning ride on the john deer over the dirt path into the expansive open woods
purple flowers burst up into the green
my children holdings hands, balancing on a fallen tree
picture perfect
then the clan returns
loud and rough
playing horseshoes, shooting clay pigeons, pop pop breaks up the wind
drinking beer from the largest cooler one can imagine
family and bratwust, burgers and hot dogs
burnt marshmellows for dessert
the stuff dreams are made of
my son running around in fatigues with an army canteen and boots and a camo hat that were given to him. The oldest grandson who gets to try it all out first.
fishing in the steam with his Pappy
happy as can be
a ride up the road takes us to visit the farm
my daughter cuddles a one day old chick in her hand
the cowboy who runs the farm tells her she can keep it if she wants.
"We'll keep it out here, at the ranch" says Mommy
There are chickens and hens
then on to the cows
we walk right into the field with them
mooing away
they just hang out there
just to roam
stars so bright and many
how did we get here
I ask?
We are tired and spend from our fist weekend at the ranch.
There's a whole new world to explore
a gift that has fallen into our lap
we are happy and grateful
and due to take a good, long, hot, bath
back in the city.

The Universe Speaks

2010-03-05T13:47:00.003-05:00

When you make the statement that you are tapped out and tired and have nothing left to give and feel as if you can't take anymore...sometimes the universe answers VERY loudly and says..."oh yeah?" See about this this

and you find yourself plunged head on into the most amazing of experiences

I could write for days and days and layers and layers and years and months and lifetimes.

I am moved beyond belief and very aware that when I feel stripped to my core and bone tired I do in fact have more to give. Much more than I could ever imagine

I have emerged with a chill in my spine that may never go away and a warmth in my heart that is exactly the same temperature as the tears of relief that stream down your cheeks when you realize that every little thing is going to be all right.

Ahhhh

2010-01-04T17:12:00.002-05:00

I am so very filled with gratitude this New Year!

Some small things I am thankful for today...

An amazing wife who picked up Mommy duty this morning so that I could enjoy my first "day at the office"

A heater fixed in twenty minutes for a reasonable price

HOT, fast Chinese take out with no msg ready in ten minutes and just down the street.

A wonderful sister -in -law to share a meal with on a cold Florida night!

My beautiful children

a peaceful home!

sleep all tight and cozy tonight...I will

A Post in Green & Black

2009-11-17T14:06:00.003-05:00

oh yes....
I will remember how very important it is to slow down,
recalibrate
and then put forth my energy into what I want to feed.

A simple equation:

feed it = it grows

Starve it = it dies

Feed what is good, what is going well

Starve negative thoughts

Feed your creativity

Starve those voices telling you what you can't do

Feed LOVE!

Starve FEAR!

Feed the beauty of the day!

Holding Light

2009-11-11T19:50:00.004-05:00

For you...
lightness in the dark

Form Transforming

2009-11-11T14:18:00.002-05:00

It is a beautiful thing to step back and watch an idea transform from a thought, an inspiration into something beautiful.

To realize the great potential we all have if we believe in our dreams, our hearts and our capabilities.

When something is right, it meets no resistance.

It grows and blossoms as a flower on a vine.

Today, I am truly grateful for the power of creativity and the gift of gratitude.

Pitter - Patter

2009-11-05T14:05:00.001-05:00

Slowing down enough to hear the pitter-patter of my heart.
This is such a good thing.

Lost among the jewels

2009-10-28T20:42:00.001-04:00

I am lost in lots of beautiful little jewels and projects at the moment.

I promise to return to share the lessons once I learn them.

Be liquid.

Magical Day

2009-10-26T11:37:00.004-04:00

Today, I awoke knowing that it was my son's sixth birthday.

Full of mixed emotions, I helped get him ready for school and safely delivered him to kindergarten.

I had many moments of ..."six years ago, right now I was starting labor, six years ago right now, we called our midwife" and so on."

We ate scrambled eggs for breakfast as I did that morning. My wife made them for us as she did that morning and we only remembered as we sat at the "new" magical nook to eat them with our two, beautiful children that this had been my pre-birth breakfast.

A good friend said to me this morning, "congratulations, you've been a Mom for six years."

I hadn't thought about that part yet. What a blessed day. Look at how far we've come.

I am full of pride today and I vow to sit back and watch all of the magical moments that settle in upon us.

It is today especially that I realize what a big deal how you give birth is. The memory of that day hasn't faded at all for me. It was the most amazing day of my life and today I celebrate it for many, many reasons.

Back in the light

2009-10-20T20:54:00.002-04:00

Why such a struggle?

The battle of the mind.

I would be ever so happy to stay here for a while in the light.

Glowing, prospering

Moving forward in TRUST

with an open heart.

I will take this moment and breathe it in while I can.

Oh, mind ...did spell breathe right?

that really is very funny, isn't it?

Interesting Twists

2009-10-18T12:18:00.002-04:00

There are intersting twists and turns.

Bumps and falls

Returning to original positions

Bending Swaying

Morphing

Remembering the whole time that it is all like grains of sand falling through our fingers

Continually moving

changing so grandly that we can't possibly be aware of all that is moving around us.

Remember that old saying...if you do the best you can, that is all anyone can ask of you.

Doing it the best way I know how

with the most love and joy I can muster.

It rolls off and into the world like little beads of water dripping off of a glorious petal

Moving forward, wasting little time on regrets

and enjoying the shifts of interesting twists and turns and the cool breezes if only for a moment.

Going for it

2009-10-15T14:34:00.003-04:00

recirculation

2009-10-13T10:15:00.002-04:00

in....out
in....out
in....out

recirculate
regenerate
restore
revitalize
return

become fluid and whole
balanced
trusting
tuned in

begin

my own balance must be within me

learning to redirect energy

learning to recognize it's flow

learning our potential

sunset

2009-10-10T18:26:00.001-04:00

Remember to enjoy the view...no matter where you are

Complete

2009-10-05T15:49:00.002-04:00

I am sitting in this place reminding myself of how quickly things shift.
Feeling perspective and that warm fuzzy feeling of cherished memories.
With all of this living in the present moment business (which is REALLY, REALLY important) I have also had a nice little flood of memories reminding me how sweet my life has been from doing just that....being present. having a good time. doing things that bring me joy and that feel right. I have grown tremdously, as we all have. And looking back, I can see my innocence and also my need to be where I was, when I was there. This, is what allows me to trust exactly where I am right now.

I am sitting hear and in the silences between the typing I hear the cars roll by. The sound of the tires seems to sound different just because it is fall. The light is fading earlier. That cozy feeling creeps in...

opps, I must wake my sleeping daughter and go pick up my sweet son from school. I guess this post is complete.

Out of the Poo

2009-10-02T16:59:00.001-04:00

It is always so nice to be out of the poo.

I am looking forward to a beautiful weekend.....

stuck in the poo

2009-09-30T21:39:00.002-04:00

It will be interesting to see where this goes.
One of those.....
you know, "hard conversations"
they always come right about this time every month.

I can feel things shifting like the plates of the earth.

Hold on

That pull of the moon is serious business.

2009-09-30T10:48:00.001-04:00

Melissa Etheridge and Salman Ahmad "Ring the Bells"
Uploaded by TakePart. - Explore more music videos.

2009-09-28T18:38:00.002-04:00

I am thankful for a nice, HOT bath at the end of a wonderful day.
It won't be for a few hours yet but I anticipate it with glee.

Hoping everyone finds a way to end the day in bliss.

Sweet Dreams

*this is my official "fall" color. Hoping it encourages some cool weather to go with my HOT bath. Next week I may even incorporate a pumpkin spice candle and cinnamon tea to this ritual.

The gift I got from being open

2009-09-25T10:59:00.002-04:00

I am thankful to my spirit for being open.
For remembering to listen.
To hearing the sweet words from my beautiful daughter.
As we lay in bed cuddling up for the evening. She said to me "Mommy, I want to be with you forever." Later in the conversation "I miss you when I'm at school." But she said it with a certain clarity and openess that I haven't felt from her before.

It is as if, in that moment my heart blew open into a million pieces.

Well then we will spend more time together I thought.
In that huge moment, I realized that this was my time to be with HER. As my son is getting settled into kindergarten, my little girl is reaching out for me in a way she never has before. With a tenderness that is just emerging. She seems to need me more. Wants to be held and rocked. As a baby she was so self-sufficient. I remember at a few months old she actually got hurt and cried with real need for comfort for the first time. I cried too, because I hadn't felt her really NEED me before. From birth she was so content. Crying for milk or when ready to sleep, but not needing to be held and rocked nearly as much as her brother. Her whole self seemed stronger, less fragile.

So, in this sweet moment at bedtime tears began rolling down my face. She needed me and There is time still. Unlike my 5 year old, she still has small traces of baby left. A little bit of round cheek, that ability to cuggle up tight.

Ohhhhhhhhh....yes.
This is OUR time.
She has waited so patiently for her brother to grow into his boyhood. He is happily exploring his independence and now I am available to her. To make up for that bonding that I had with him when there was no one else vying for my attention. I spent days with him, talking and exploring, getting to know him. She rode on my hip, nursed and laughed, but never had that one on one time, nor she she seem to need it. But now, she does. She wants time with me and I am fortunate enough to be able to provide it.

In that moment I realized that I have had time to take a breath with them both in school. Time to return to myself. I have regrouped from the insanity of having two little ones and here this gift presented itself, a little more time mothering in that very intimate way. I knew immedietly that I will be keeping her home an extra day a week and picking her up an hour earlier from school. We will parade around to playdates and parks together and get to know each other in that way. I felt this huge joy rise up in me. A small change of plans that I neither came up with or resisted.

She is ready and so I am I .
I am so grateful that I did not miss that moment or talk myself out of it.
My time as a mother to small children may be over soon but I am going to scoop this sweet girl up and savor her while I can. She is only 3 and I know how fast that will change.

My heart is so full and I am looking forward to getting to know her better.

Thank you for this opening.

It feels like I just unwrapped a magical gift.

It came in on the breeze

2009-09-23T09:54:00.003-04:00

"We are the flow,
we are the ebb.
We are the weavers,
we are the web."

Happy Birthday Beautiful Boy

2009-09-22T09:43:00.002-04:00

Happy Birthday to the little boy who welcomed me to his birth.

A beautiful day I will never forget!

This is for you sweet one.

Monday Perspective

2009-09-21T11:46:00.003-04:00

Sometimes you just need to get some perspective.

Sit in your house in some quiet.

Clean the tub grout.

Fold some clothes.

Do some dishes.

Realize that there does come a point when your children need fresh pajamas, like, by fresh I mean new, fitting, seasonally appropriate pajamas.

and that their Mom's could use some fresh underware. By fresh I mean new, fitting, seasonally appropriate underware.

So, it is with great delight that I will feed that primal need within me to go to Target. With no children in tow..free to browse the bargin discount racks to score some crazy cheap thing I love. This must be the same feeling a hunter has when he has scored a huge animal that will feed his family and tribe for a week.

The need to provide an orderly home with things that make life flow well. Sometimes...new PJ's and underware are needed if only to sooth the Mama Bears instincts to take care of her family by providing a fresh score of berries that were hidden under some bush somewhere. As I write this I can not forget about a post by friend Rose who had this experience with Yarn last week over there at laughing monkey.

Let us not feel bad for the occasional need to bring things in.....it is about as real as the cycle of the moon....it is in our blood isn't it. That desire to hunt for treasure? Off I go.......

Moon Time

2009-09-18T12:15:00.002-04:00

I am feeling a powerful moon upon us.

The anticipation is a force, swelling

waiting for the wave to reach shore

I can feel it rising up

sparkling in the sun

taking in the warmth

the gifts

of the sky

and holding them close to wash down over us.

I will stand,

arms outstretched

waiting for the power of the wave

keeping my feet firmly planted

ready to receive the force

the magic

the glory of it all.

Glow in Green

2009-09-16T15:44:00.002-04:00

Oh, there is nothing like the new green that seems to jump and dance around after a good rain. What a glourious rainy afternoon.

Rise Up

2009-09-15T12:25:00.003-04:00

Unexpected fires sometimes rise up.

Unannounced.

Undeclared.

They bubble up bringing with then the deep secrets of the earth.

They unleash extreme heat with an unbefore seen quickness.

And just as quickly as they rise up they disappear, leaving behind scorched trails in their paths.

They change things very quickly.
Allow things to move into the next form.

I am expecting the cooling calming waters to rise up next to soothe the heat torched land.

I am expecting cool winds that intercept the sun rays to keep them light and tolerable.

I am expecting peace to grow

love to grow

minds to grow

hearts to grow.

I am waiting to see it all swirl around with a power and force that is undeniable to everyone, not only to the few who have awoken to the secondary layers of understanding.

I understand that we are part of that force and that it is working.

Things are swirling

hearts, minds and souls are opening up wide to give and receive love.

This is the healing balm we have been craving

This will make it all possible.

This will return us to peace.

to the brilliant place from which we all came before we knew we were here.

This will open our eyes.

this is the force of love.

Let it flow.

Mondays Rock!

2009-09-14T12:09:00.002-04:00

I am all wound up with excitement!
It could be the HUG pot of Yerba Matte Tea I just drank....however...

Monday has turned into this holy day for me.

I sit down with both kids at school. Begin the laundry mountain,
check out what we need from the store.

Check e-mail/blog etc... that I have missed over the weekend

and the best part.....

I clear off my dry erase calender and fill it in for the next week!

I really am at this point in my life where I find joy in order and organization.

Did you read that Mom and Dad? Don't fall over it's really true!

No worries though...my studio, my space that is all, mine is a stye.

Is that how you spell it in relation to a pig's stye?

No time to check....I have laundry to fold, groceries to purchase and paintings to make.

Happy Monday!

Rain Dance

2009-09-12T12:39:00.002-04:00

Our whole family outside in the downpour. We got caught on the way home from Budda Belly and decided to embrace it.
Dancing in the rain, bellies full of doughnuts, coffee and milk.. Up in the hammock, quick get up before the water washes us away. The puddles pushing rushing water all around our back yard
Swinging in the hammock all wet and under the kids umbrellas. Splashing, laughing...all four of us. The dog runs inside deciding we are nuts.
Then we get naked on the back porch to be in the rain clothes-less for a minute, twirling around, arms open looking up into the pouring sky, before we run in for a hot shower. When we make it in to the shower, I hear a little voice from behind the curtain say "does it get any better then this?" ...
I don't believe it does.

The View From Down There

2009-09-10T09:46:00.002-04:00

Remember, son that your angels are always there. Flying around with you even when you can not see them. They are bigger and stronger then the monsters and scary things.
I found this picture that you took for me a long time ago.
Keep it in your mind.
Call on it all the time.
I promise you they are always listening.

hmmmmm

2009-09-09T11:13:00.003-04:00

Today is deeper, heavier and more potent than yesterday.

It is sure to reap more beauty ...that's just how it goes

Off to work.....

toting the mysteries

the questions

the knowing that I do not know and that when I really want an answer I must just let go

and receive what comes

in whatever form that may be

patience and surrender

with a bit of sunshine thrown in!